Diary of The Human Pretzel

(or, Adventures in Yoga and a Journey Towards Healthy Living. The Human Pretzel thing sounds more interesting, though...)

Ah. The joys of Yoga.

You know, I used to think that yoga was just for the skinny chicks who snacked on lettuce leaves and drank hot water with a slice of lemon in it instead of tea. Besides, I wasn't bendy, or even sporty, so what could yoga have to offer me? It had been several years since I had dismissed my mother's rants about yoga, namely: "Yoga is the work of the devil! You are inviting Satan into your body when you do yoga! You'll be possessed by a demon." My friend Dori had been doing yoga for ages and had recommended it several times, but I dismissed as "not for me". What I hadn't realised was that I was dismissing yoga using the same criteria my mother used to demonise it: I had never tried it myself.

A few years ago I was introduced to Yoga Liz, and I relayed my fears about yoga to her, leaving out the devil stuff, because I didn't believe any of that. She let me come along to a lesson free of charge, just to give it a go. AND I LOVED IT! I could not believe how wonderful I felt afterwards, and I have been going back ever since.

The benefits have been:

- greater flexibility

- pain relief in my neck and shoulder

- emotional stability and calm

- a deeper spiritual understanding

- toned muscles (yes! even under the layers of fat on a 100 kg woman! I AM FIRM)

- more energy

- better sleep (I still struggle with insomnia, but yoga helps)

I recommend that everyone try it once before they die. It's worth putting on that list. I think it has had a dramatic effect on my general well being.

Speaking of General Well Being...

I saw the physiotherapist this morning regarding the pain in my neck and shoulder. She has sent me off with a few exercises and tips on how to look after myself. She reckons the yoga has been what has prevented my neck and shoulder from freezing up because there is a good range of movement. She has recommended that I have acupuncture. ACUPUNCTURE! on the NHS! Yippee! I get acupuncture for pain management on the NHS! And what did I say RIGHT HERE that I really felt that acupuncture or shiatsu would be of great benenfit, but I didn't have the money for it? The Universe works in mysterious ways indeed. JOY JOY JOY! I have the first session on 16 April. Never had acupuncture before. She did warn me that it's not as in-depth as the holistic acupuncturist. It's purely for pain management. Which is fine, but I do think it will be important for me to find out which meridians she is working on and to cross check that and find out what blockages she may be clearing and what effects with may have in the broader sense. Unless, of course, anyone has any other thoughts on that?

"A gateway to an alternate reality has just appeared at our window, dear..."

I woke up this morning wondering where the hell I was. I looked up out the window and I saw nothing but this wall of mist pressed up against the window. Not even the outline of a wall or another house. Just this strange white atmosphere. It was like waking up in a house in a cloud. Same thing happened yesterday, but at least I was able to just make out the shapes of the other houses. It was eerie. Not to mention disorientating (is that a real word?).

Because of the mist, I didn't take the sunrise photographs as I had promised. Those will have to wait for weather conditions to improve.

The One Week Challenge... So Far...

1. No TV - well. I caved in and watched the last half hour CSI New York on Saturday as well as The Shawshank Redeption, because I love that movie.

2. Vegan - Being vegan is a little bland at the minute. I did have chicken stir fry on Saturday night with Julie, though. But beyond cous-cous and veg, I have no brainy ideas on how to make it more interesting. I'm sure I'll make something up as I go along

3. I didn't walk anywhere on Saturday for 20 minutes. I did go for a walk up Viking Way yesterday, though. I picked up about half a dozen empty plastic plant pots someone had discarded along the hedge. All in good nick too! I took them home with me.

Books

Just read The Travelling Hornplayer by Barbara Trapido. My book goal is looking much closer now! Go ME!

Other Stuff

I wrote some more of my novel over the weekend. I am really getting into the story that I am telling, which is a very good sign.

If you haven't read my short story, Aftermath on Tastes Like Fiction, today's your last day to do it. It's coming down in order to be subjected to an extensive re-write after which I plan to submit it somewhere. Not sure where yet. Email me if you are interested in reading the re-write.

And finally, my friend Dori, who I have known since High School sent me a photo of the two of us from that time. I have no idea how old we were. I must say, Dori, we have hardly aged at all!

LIFE IS TOO SHORT FOR:

* TV

* Spending time with people who won't be crying at your funeral

* Bullshit

* Sticking with friendships/jobs/relationships that only make you feel bad

* Wasting energy worrying about the trivial crap

* Allowing fear to win

* Not taking those risks: the rewards are far greater than the fear

* For taking people in your life for grant

* To be wasting all your talents

* Worrying that you don't look like the people in fashion magazines

* Worrying about what other people may think

* Wasting your true potential

* Hiding from the world

* Trying to "fix" people in your life

* Crying over people who never deserved you in the first place

LIVE!

Alone.

I am tired of being alone.

I feel as though I have lost more than just my father. It feels like I have lost everything. And I know how silly that sounds because i have done so well with the workshop and getting my articles out there. I have grown so much spiritually and there's this wonderful shift occurring in the very core of my life, which is so very exciting.

Still, my sense of loss extends beyond the loss of my father. I feel that not only have I lost him, I have lost everything that I love in South Africa. That I have lost my sister, my friends, my nephew. In a sense, I feel too, that I am even losing myself.

This change that is running through my life is deep and profound and I have begun to get a glimpse of what it's doing. It's a slow motion version of The Tower, with my entire life being reshaped to fit this new person who is just below the surface, waiting to be born.

And one of the things that this change has stirred up in me is my sense of loss. And I realise that some of these feelings pre-date my father's death. Even my mother's. And I suppose it is natural to mourn the loss of a self I knew while still preparing for the new to emerge.

Old ideas and beliefs are collapsing, crumbling. I am questioning everything in my life. I ask whether this or that is worth the investment of energy that I am making. I used to go around thinking am I worthy of this or that? Am I worthy of this love? This job? This friendship? This opportunity? Now I ask is this worthy of me?

It's only now that I have begun to find the words that would fit they way I have been feeling these past two months. By no means does it stop here. It's not fast moving either. It's a slow, plodding shift. It's a pair of oxes tethered to a wheel going slowly in a circle as opposed to a bright catherine wheel that sparks and fizzes and then is gone so quickly.

And this shift does feel as though it's occurring in some strange kind of circular motion.

One thing is certain, though, I am happy to embrace these changes. I am happy to be active in them. And now, I am tired of being alone.

The Votes Are IN!

Votes were gleaned from emails and comments on the blog.

5 votes for No TV for a week
3 votes for a daily 20 minute walk
2 votes each for going vegan and doing yoga
1 vote each for writing and playing the guitar every day
Not surprising that giving up blogging got no votes at all - aw, you guys!

Most people voted for a combination of 3 things, so that's what I am going to do.

SO, for the next week:

1. I will not watch television. The only thing I will watch is a DVD sent through by LoveFilm from my list. But this will have to be on my own because Kate is not home until 1 April.

2. I will walk 20 minutes at least each day. If it's rainy or snowy, I will put on an exercise DVD or do yoga

3. I had a choice of going vegan or doing yoga. I am putting yoga down as a thing to do if it's rainy or snowy, so I am going to go vegan. Which should make making dinner for my friend Julie on Saturday night interesting. The vegan thing will have to begin at suppertime tonight, though, because I have a cheese sandwich for lunch at work.

I am off to Morrison's after work then to get some soya milk, soya yoghurt and a lot of fruit and fresh veg for the coming vegan week. I'll take pic of my vegan groceries (minus the very non-vegan catfood I'll be buying for the children) and post it to show you that I am indeed committed to the vegan experiment.

This one week challenge is made easier with Kate not being home. Kate is a carnivore and enjoys watching a bit of telly, so there's the upside to not seeing her for a while.

And thanks for enjoying my blog enough to not vote for me to stop blogging for a week!

Challenge and Sinfest

OK: The suggestions have come in for a week of challenge. Now you, devoted reader of Start Wearing Purple get to decide what I challenge myself with for the next week, starting tomorrow, Friday 23 March:

Do I:

a) Give up another week of TV
b) Go Vegan
c) Give up blogging in any way shape and form
d) Go for a walk every day
e) Do yoga every day
f) Write for half an hour every day
g) Play guitar for 15 minutes every day
h) Do 3 of these from the list all in one week - you choose the combo!

Leave your vote in the comments.

Sinfest

I love Sinfest. This one is particularly funny, especially for those of you who like Jesus.

Gotta Dance!

I feel like someone in one of those cheesy musicals. You know how when things go really well, and the orchestra strikes up with a jaunty and rousing melody, and the main characters suddenly burst into song? They dance in the rain or on tables or in the streets and it's just the most boundless expression of joy. That's what I feel like doing. Only thing is I have no orchestra stashed away in my pocket and while I can sing, I can't really dance.

BUT! I have excellent news! I have been given the go ahead to run a six week advanced creative writing course starting after Easter. MAGIC! I am so happy I feel like a character in a musical.

As I left the class last night, I was struck by how challenging myself and taking one big risk has not only transformed my life, but those of the students who attend my class. If I hadn't bravely approached the Focus centre in Stamford, there may not have been a creative writing course, and these students may still have struggled along with their doubts about writing.

I am no longer afraid of taking the risks I need to take in my life on the basis of this realisation. Why? Because now, two years down the line, the rewards outweigh the fear I initially felt.

Fan-fricken-tastic!

I really CAN change something in my life. I can transform my fear. I have purpose!

I have felt the wheels of change start to move within my life and now I am not one bit afraid of what may come. I am ready to jump right in there and help it all along! Who's coming along for the ride?

The Great Cosmic Baseball Bat

(and a bit of an update)

I may have mentioned my friend Jose and his Cosmic Baseball Bat theory.

One late night, talking over Skype with me in Rutland and Joe in Cape Town, Joe laid out the theory. It went something like this: the universe will tap you on the shoulder once, twice, maybe three times. If you don't listen or get the lesson, it will come after you with a baseball bat.

Wise words, indeed. Because I didn't get the coffeeshop job at Barnsdale Gardens. And the other jobs I applied for didn't come back to me at all. All this has led me to conclude (once again) that the Universe is instructing me to use my talents to generate extra income.

The Great Cosmic Baseball Bat has been rather busy in my life recently. Nothing like having Karma bash you over the head to make you take notice of your life.

I dig Gandhi. Very wise man. He said once, to paraphrase, that people become the people they expect themselves to be. Imagine the potential we all have to change our lives.

And change is exactly what I feel is happening to me. Not on a superficial level, but deep down, right in the mechanics of my life - the cogs and wheels. I feel that the fundamental essence of my life has begun to evolve and move. It feels a bit like an old machine that has been lying unused in the corner of a dark room and someone has come along and cranked the handle. Very slowly, the machinery has just begun to grind into life.

This began about three weeks ago at the start of a yoga class. We chanted OM and I felt like I wasn't my body. I wasn't my personality either. I was just part of this vast and deep ocean. I was the ocean. I connected with something that wasn't just Tanya O. I believe I connected with the Buddha Nature and what we call the Ninth or Amala Consciousness. Perhaps what Eckhart Tolle talks about too.

This shift, I feel, is both deep and profound. I have no idea what it means or where it will take me, but I am prepared to fully experience this journey.

Books

As you can see by the book list on the right hand side, I am already half way through my goal of reading 10 books this year. Fantastico! I'll be doing a mid-goal review of these books at some point. Thanks for the suggestions some of you made.

I Stand Naked Before You

Blog widgets reveal the true nature of Tanya... or do they?

OK, friends... how true do you think this really is? He he.

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are aloof, mysterious, and distant.People feel like they really don't know the true you...Yet they're still drawn to you, almost by magnetic force. Underneath it all, you don't even really feel like you know yourself.It's easier to put on a front than really think about your life's purpose.You tend to seem pretentious, but it's just a mechanism you use to push people away.

What's" the Part of You That No One Sees?

One Week Challenges...

It's time to challenge myself again. My one week (sort of) without TV was very good for me and I have begun to wonder what else would be good for me if I only just gave it a try for a week. So, I have decided to do regular one week challenges.

I have already spent a week wearing a sodalite crystal to see if it would enhance my creativity (but that was more of an experiment than a challenge and will be blogged separately).

I've come up with a list of challenges. If you think you would like to make a suggestion, please feel free to add it in the comments section. No matter how bizarre, it will be considered, although I most likely will not be able to follow through with all of them. One thing I won't do is take on a challenge that is negative or that would risk my health.

Here's the list (so far):

* Do yoga every morning for a week
* Go vegan for a week
* Go for a 20 minute walk every day for a week
* Write every day for half an hour for a week

Adventures in Religion

An interesting discussion is happening over on A Blog About Nowt. *(asterisk) encourages the question whether religion is worth it, or if it is simply a large boogeyman used to excuse and justify human rights abuse.

As an ex-Catholic I have witnessed how religion is used to control and manipulate people. It's the easiest way to do it en masse. And if you are able to make people feel really bad about themselves just so that you can use it against them and get them to do what you want them to, then that is pure evil. Many religions claim to promote love and tolerance, yet many of the adherents do not live this way at all. In fact, wars are waged in the name of religion.

What organised religion does is not that much different from an abusive partner:

1. Self esteem is broken down and dependency on the abuser is enforced
2. The victim is isolated from other people and told that certain individuals are bad influences or wrong for them
3. A set of rules needs to be followed. If they are not, consequences are dire
4. Complete unquestioning devotion is the only behaviour tolerated. Anything else will result in dire consequences
5. Any behaviour that deviates from the rules and views of the abuser will not be tolerated and will result in severe punishment

Does that mean that all religion needs to be outlawed? No. I believe our freedom to choose to practice whatever Faith we want is a fundamental human right. Enforcing that faith on someone else, however, amounts to abuse.

I practice Nichiren Buddhism. Yes, I see it as a religion. Yes, I devote myself to chanting twice a day and living my practice as best I can. It is a Faith based on respect, tolerance and compassion. Is it the only Faith that works? Do I need to enforce it on anyone else? No. I have no right to do that. For me, freedom is something that is very important. What I do not respect is people blowing themselves up or waging war or committing violent and depraved acts in the name of religion. Because I don't like hypocrites.

What are your thoughts?

EXCLUSIVE! Photographs of gorilla playing guitar!!

Things To Do Before I Die

Just started a blog for all my list-y type things. I have realised that I have just completed one of my things to do before I die: Give up TV for a week!

Have a look at the list. There's not a lot on there, but please feel free to add as many suggestions as you like.

My Spider Senses Be Tingling, (and a few other things...)

I took an instant dislike to the Cowboy who came to assess our heating situation. My spider senses definitely were activated. He spent 5 minutes with me, tapped on our oil tank and came inside with me and took a cursory look at our boiler. All the while, he mentioned (and I counted it) that I would have to pay his call out fee for this no more than ten minute visit 7 times. He then proceeded to try to engage me in conversation about South Africa. I was not interested in paying for the privelege of his lacklustre conversation and told him I had to head off to work. The Cowboy's call out fees, it transpires, is £60. His fees for the next visit would be £60 call out plus £60 to do the work. Can anyone out there say RIP OFF? I knew you could. So my boss recommended a nice little old man who did a good job for him last year. And the old man lives in my village. His charge? £30 for the work and if it takes him longer than an hour, then, "I am sorry, dear, but I would have to charge a little extra." Cowboy or Old Boy? As if I have to decide. The Old Boy is coming on Tuesday morning. I am looking forward to telling the Cowboy that I think he's a rip off. And that's bullshit.

Now Here's An Idea...

Remember how we all got up nice and early in October to take sunrise photos for when the clocks went back? How about we all take a sunset picture on Sunday 25 March for the clocks going forward? To round the whole winter thing off? No? Well, I plan to do that because it makes sense to my strange little brain. All those wanting to join me, leave a comment so I know who to watch out for on the 25th. Even if you guys in SA don't do the clock thing, why not join in and put a sunset pic up on the 25th anyway to mark the passage of the seasons? Let me know if you're in!

I Teach.

Feels like I have bitten off more than I can comfortably chew, but not so much that I can't just chomp down for a few bites and be ok. My students are really pushing for an advanced course. So. I have to force myself out of my comfort zone and make this happen. Abracadabra. I. Am. Scared. Shitless. This is what I really want to do, and I am so excited, so why the hell am I so afraid? Ah yes. The fucking Devil King of the 6th Heaven trying to sell me his bullshit. Right. I have to work quickly on this and develop my proposal and send it off and if nothing happens, source a venue and decide on a reasonable fee. I have to fight back these negative self doubting feelings. And there's a little voice going, "You're just a big fat fake" that needs to be silenced. So the goal is to have something in place by 30 March. If not, then at least a lead onto something. I would probably insist on taking a 2 week break before starting in on the course stuff again. I should have something up and running by mid April.

I Write

Did I mention that the local magazine has accepted my idea of the article? Well, they want photos as well and I would need to get all of this organised before and on their desks by Mid April as well. There are a couple of short stories I am sending out as well and this year, I am going to be brave and enter a couple of competitions. Go me! I have also, as some may already know, started writing my novel. Hoorah! Take that Devil bloody King of the 6th Heaven.

I am a Cat Mattress

The cats have found a new way to keep warm. Since they can't sit on windowsills and catch the updrafts from the radiators, they have had to get a little inventive. They have very quickly located the next best source of heat in the house: Me.

I have woken up, these past two mornings, with cats nesting somewhere on top of or around me. Yesterday morning, I woke on my back and had Lucifer AND Zak perched on my chest, with Tinkie on my feet. This morning, I woke on my side, with Noodle lying on top of me on my arm and shoulder, Zak curled up against my chest and Luce at my feet. I did close the door, but Noodle has learned how to open it. She has taught Zak this interesting little trick.

I am, indeed, Servant of Cat. My five children have definitely shown me where my rightful place in this world is. Surrounded by cats. Even my partner is a Leo.

LOOOK!!!!! I have a Flickr thing! Check it out on the right.

Or, go HERE to see my pics.

Arse. Bollocking Arse.

I have just come back from seeing the boiler man. Turns out it's not our boiler that's the problem. We have run out of oil. Neither of us spotted that the level had gone right down. WHY? Because the level was still above the 200 litre mark whenever we checked. So Andy, the boiler man, showed me this afternoon that if you let out a little valve, it gives you a true reading of the oil level. Which is nice that he did that because no one has shown us that in the 4 years we have lived there.

So, now, I have to fill the tank with oil. Then Andy has to come back and bleed the radiators. Once he has done that, he says, "Hopefully the boiler will fire up first time." And, there will be 2 call out charges to pay - today's and the next visit.

What idiots we are. I feel so stupid. And angry at myself for not knowing about the valve. And angry at the landlord for not telling us about the valve.

Fuck knows how much this is going to cost us. Landlord definitely won't pay because it is, after all, our fault. SO... no heating for at least a week. Oil people are coming Thursday or Friday so we'll have to get the boiler man in after that.

3,000 realms in a single moment. I can change my state. Breathe in, breathe out. Stay positive.

This has to end at some point, surely....

EDIT: Almost forgot. I am meant to get new lenses for my glasses this month. Stronger ones. Um. Between washing machine and this... I have no fucking clue how I am supposed to get this sorted. Maybe if I have £30 left at the end of this month, I can try to budget the other £40 from next month and there you go: glasses! The nasty lady at SpecSavers won't be very happy about it, but fuck her, the unsmiling automaton cow. Hoorah!

ANOTHER EDIT: AND!! The fact that this is happening means I am practicing Buddhism correctly. How fabulous is that!? Magnificent. Bring it on you bastard Sansho Shima. I'm ready for you.

T'ien-t'ai (538-597) states in Great Concentration and Insight: "As practice progresses and understanding grows, the three obstacles and four devils emerge in confusing form, vying with one another to interfere... . One should be neither influenced nor fright-ened by them. If one falls under their influence, one will be led into the paths of evil. If one is frightened by them, one will be prevented from practicing the correct teaching."

It's Enough to Make Me Want to Stick My Face In Cake

Did someone break a mirror or something?

This started about seven years ago, this shitty financial luck. The up-side is that perhaps if a mirror was broken then this should be the last year of bad luck, eh?

We make our own luck, anyway, so it really doesn't matter about the mirror. It's just been a sucky few months. In order of appearance:

1. Car battery needed replacing (£40)

2. I got a stupid speeding fine (£60 and 3 points on my license)

3. I had to pay for a hotel room I forgot to cancel (£65)

4. Lost my wedding ring (£44 - not yet replaced)

5. Destroyed the new fancy computer monitor (£200 - not yet replaced)

6. Dad died (no price you can put on the best dad in the world)

7. I borrowed £2,000 from my Dad's estate for the plane tickets, which I must pay back

8. The washing machine broke (£260)

9. Last night, our heating packed up (Hopefully landlord will fork out for this and not put our rent up)

But am I getting down about this? No. I am comfort eating instead.(Which is where the reference to sticking my face into a slab of cake comes from) And chanting. I feel remarkably calm. Maybe also because this year has also begun with a few really good things thrown into the mix. It helps, as well, that I feel more positive and determined than I did towards the end of last year.

These are the positives:

1. My creative writing classes are going so well that my students have asked if we could extend the course or if I could create an advanced course (!!!). I am working on this. All proceeds will be sent to my sister to pay for plane tickets.

2. I have been brave and approached a lady who does shiatsu massage on horses for an interview. A bit arse about face because I hadn't contacted the magazine and pitched the article first. BUT! I pitched the article, the mag wants the story (just 600 words with photos). Deadline: 30 April. Again, all proceeds to my sister.

3. I interviewed for a part time job at Barnsdale Gardens in their coffee shop. If I get it, I will work 7 days a week (day job and weekend job), but if I manage to do this, it means I can pay my sister all I owe within 4 months. I find out in a week.

4. I am now an official member of the Tarot Association of the British Isles.

5. Kate and I are really happy and strong. We had some beautiful, positive discussions while we were in South Africa and if anything, all that's happened has brought us closer together.

6. I am living each day with gratitude

7. Buddhism and Yoga are making me really strong

8. I have amazing friends - blog friends, real friends, furry friends. THANK YOU.

9. I have my face in a slab of cake.

Jesus has been answering questions again. Remember, if you want Jesus to give you the answer to life's big questions, write to: askthejman at gmail dot com!

Stuff We Discovered About My Dad After He Died

I couldn't sleep last night. I found some letters and cards that my Dad sent me while trying to locate my National Insurance Card. And I read them. Then I couldn't sleep because I just kept thinking about Dad and what great father he was and I missed him a lot.

My father was a quiet sort of man. He didn't talk about his feelings much, if at all. He exuded a peaceful aura and he was remarkably wise. He was a spiritual Christian, sometimes taking the bible quite literally. There is a story we delight telling because it is funny and it demonstrates the kind of man he was: Somewhere in the Old Testament, it states that if a fig tree hasn't borne fruit in 7 years, you must cut off its branches and burn it. My Dad was an avid gardener and had planted two fig trees. One of them didn't bear any fruit for 6 years. He went outside and told the tree what the bible said, reminding it that the next year would be its 7th year and if there was no fruit, it knew what its fate would be. The following year, and every subsequent year, the fig tree bore fruit. This year, my sister told me, that fig tree was at its most fruitful. As if it knew.

So, that is a little background. This is what we found in the days that followed my Dad's death:

1. In a letter he wrote to my Mom in 1972, it was clear that they had separated several times. Sherine, my sister, remembers "going for holidays to Ouma" (my grandmother). Evidently they got back together and I was born in May, 1973. I have a feeling I am the "make up" baby.

2. Back in 1980 my father was sent off to fight a stupid war in what used to be known as South West Africa (but is now Namibia). A medal was found in the back of his cupboard, one which he never wore on his uniform. It was South Africa's highest award for bravery. My father hads x-rays of his chest (when he started developing "asthma" about 15 years ago) and very clearly you can see a bullet lodged in his chest. There is no scarring to indicate an entrance wound and my father didn't "remember" how it got there. The bullet had been in there for so long that tissue had grown around it. It narrowly missed anything vital and removing it would have meant he could die. So he left it. We wonder if the medal and the bullet are linked.

3. My father always appeared to be rather conservative in his ways, so it came as a shock to my sister when it was discovered that tucked away at the back of his cupboard were several sex guides in both English and Afrikaans. One of them was The Lovers Guide, which, apparently, had come with a video. The video wasn't found.

There is more, but that's all I am up to sharing at the moment.

I stole this from Red. Somehow the code didn't want to paste into blogger, so CLICK HERE to view my visual DNA.

No TV Thoughts

I noticed how weird my thoughts are during my week of no (sort of) TV. I didn't really pay that much attention before, but without the noise of the telly, I found my brain waking up and sharing some of its wisdom (or not) with me. I noted some of the more bizarre stuff (which is in and of itself bizarre that I am recording bizarre thoughts):

1. Batman isn't really a superhero. Superheroes have super powers and Batman is an ordinary bloke with lots of money and a fetish for rubber.

2. This year, instead of using the pendulum to dowse where I should plant stuff, perhaps I should ask the seeds directly where they think they should go.

3. Lucifer is looking at me right now as though he were a real person

4. Then, are superheroes who use magic superheroes? Is magic a super power?

5. I am my own purpose. I am my own meaning.

6. I can't find Tinkie. I should check the washing machine and tumble dryer. What if one of them gets in there and I don't see it and switch it on? (this was a recurring thought. A lot. And I was all OCD and checking each machine 3 times)

Random Stuff

This is a bit of a harsh mistake. Jeanette Winterson's manuscript for a new novel she is writing was left in a train station. Oops. I don't feel too bad for her because I really don't like her much. (Sorry, Dori and Tracy, but she is an arrogant up her own arse pretentious cow.) I liked some of her writing, but...

I have tried some poems in the style of Richard Brautigan. Now showing on Tastes Like Fiction.

Digging for Gold

Once upon a time, a girl named Heather was homeless. Today she needs £10,000 A DAY "just to get by".

I feel your pain, Heather.

Not.

NO TV UPDATE - And Something About Books

Shep makes no bones about the fact that In Watermelon Sugar, by Richard Brautigan, is his favourite book. Yesterday a little package arrived for me containing that same book - THANK YOU, SHEP! I started it last night while I was waiting for my students to arrive and I was immediately drawn in by his writing style. It's not what most people expect to find when they pick up a book, but thankfully, I'd been prepared for Brautigan by the fact that Shep introduced me to Brautigan's poetry as well, which is really rather good too.

No TV

Kate's doing an extra shift or two so she won't be home until Thursday. I am very tempted to extend my no-tv thing until she comes home, but I know I will probably switch on for CSI. Let's see how it goes. I have found that in leaving the TV off, I have got more done. More dishes, more washing, more writing, more preparation for my creative writing workshop. I've chatted to my sister and Dori for ages on the phone at the weekend. My friend Simon from Nottingham (I know two Simons. The purple one and the one from Nottingham) rang up and we also chatted for ages. I've chanted, written out workshop ideas, done yoga. And above all I feel energised, inspired, creative, joyful. And food tastes better.

Here's a breakdown of the major stuff:

Monday: Yoga. Came home and chilled out with a book, which I finished reading that night

Tuesday: Caught up with the washing and the dishes, modified some of the stuff I was doing for the creative writing workshop, did some writing

Wednesday: Taught my class, read some of In Watermelon Sugar, enjoyed some time with the kitties.

"Death makes angels of us all

And gives us wings where we had shoulders

Smooth as ravens' claws" - Jim Morrison

I've noticed that a lot of people have been dying.

Not a profound or astute statement, really, but I was chatting to my friend, Annelize, who has told me that we're barely 2 months into 2007 and she's been to 5 funerals already - starting with my dad's. My boss has had to put the pet rabbit to sleep and his daughter's friend's dad died yesterday. And of course all those deaths in Celebrityville.

Maybe it's just me because I am still a bit raw after my dad's death. In any case, I am finding it a little freaky.

Death, in Tarot, signifies the end of one thing and the beginning of another.

On the Subject of Books

I have, as you may remember, set myself a goal to read 10 books this year. I have finished two so far. (You'll see which they are on the little Library Thing panel on the right). They've both been quite deep and philosophical, so I am looking forward to a light and easy read that's not going to make me think too much. I have also promised myself that at least 4 of those 10 books would be from my existing collection. Thing is I have no novels. No light reads.

Thank goodness for libraries! I will be able to head out there on Friday evening and have a nose around for anything interesting.

I have the following books on my reading list for this year:


The Secret

Watermelon Sugar

Speed Tribes

The Lotus Sutra

That's 6 books out of the ten accounted for then. Anyone out there want to recommend some really good novels? Easy read to balance the not so easy read?

Update on the No TV Thing and a Strange Tale

A Strange Tale

Our cats love people with cat allergies. They swarm around them like they are made out of catnip. They especially like people who don't like cats at all. Especially Lucifer, with his friendly and affectionate attitude. (Wouldn't expect that from a cat named Lucifer, would you?)

Yesterday, the Buddhists (6 of them) arrived for Kosen Rufu gongyo in the morning. One of the members had made it clear to me that not only was she allergic to cats, she was cat phobic. (Also known as Ailurophobia, Elurophobia, Felinophobia, Galeophobia, Gatophobia, and, well, Fear of Cats). As a result, my poor furry little children were kicked our of their home. (Which was fine until it began pelting down with rain.)

The point of this whole elaborate back story is this: a rather curious thing happened when I went to meet this lady and her husband. The cats trailed along with me, as is their habit, but the moment this woman was within 5 feet of them, they all scattered in as many different directions as there were cats. Each had a look of horror on their faces. After the Buddhists left, the cats were really skittish about coming back into the house. Noodle and Mischa were especially affected, with Mischa choosing to remain outside in the pouring rain until 9pm. (The Buddhists had left at 12:30pm). Noodle went from chair to chair, wide eyed and cautious, sniffing everything. Even though the spot where this woman sat was a favourite cat spot, they each avoided it. Around 10pm or so, Zakky finally caved in and made himself comfy on the cat spot.

Cats are really good at reading energies. And mine are particularly sensitive. I wonder what it was that spooked them so much about this lady?

My Four Days (so far) of No TV (sort of)

Thursday Night: (EDIT: Also went to an aerobics class after work. Was... ok.)Kate didn't want to just sit on the couch all evening doing nothing. She's not an avid reader like me, so that was not an option. And neither of us were in the mood for option 2. So, the TV was switched on and we managed to catch one episode of the L-Word on FTN. We hadn't seen the L-Word before. Well. It was rubbish. I have now removed the L-Word from our LoveFilm list. What utter crap.

Friday Night: Kate was still at home and we found ourselves in a similar situation to the night before. We watched NCIS and Law & Order. (EDIT: Also watched a film called Persona by Ingmar Bermann. I will review it later. We have no fucking clue what it was about.)

Saturday: No TV. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't watch it. One of the Buddhists brought over a video machine and plugged the whole caboodle in and I have no idea how to do this stuff. The plus was that I was finally able to watch a video, a movie called Fire, which I had bought 4 years ago. I didn't watch it alone - Noodle was with me. It wasn't so rubbish. Blogged a bit, tidied the house and read. Chanted.

Sunday: I have noticed a change. I have no desire to turn on the TV (I couldn't even if I wanted to because I have now no idea how to reconnect the freeview box and DVD player). In fact, I am feeling seriously creative. And energised. And I didn't realise how little attention I was giving my food before because I used to just sit in front of the TV and eat my supper. In the morning I had the Kosen Rufu gongyo session, then a planning meeting with some of the other Buddhists. After they left I did some tidying and pottering about the house, sat down and read until I finished my book. Chanted. What joy! I even feel happier now that I am not watching TV. Three more days to go.

A box of goodies arrived from Canada today, courtesy of Karen:

There were all sorts of things like toys for the kitties, kitty treats, hamster treats, a hand knitted beanie and two pairs of hand knitted mittens.

As you can see I am very excited to have a new pair of mittens and a nice warm beanie.

This is the moment when Kate decides to take the beanie for herself. She took it back to London with her.

And here's a random picture of Kate's leg, clad in her new Gothic boot, showing off her hamster tattoo.

A Weird Thing to Think About, But...

Today is my parents' 45th (Ed: I miscalculated earlier and said 35th) wedding anniversary. It's the first time in 5 years they have been able to share it together.

MY WEEK WITHOUT TV

So. I got chatting on the Google Mail chat with Shep from Cliff-A-Go-Go. The conversation turned to reading and I told Shep about my goal to read 10 books this year. He challenged me to read 52 (which is not going to happen, Shep.) I said that perhaps if I cut down my TV time I would get more reading done. Then Shep offered me a challenge:

No TV for a week (whittled down from no TV for a year)

Kate, if you're reading this, take deep steady breaths. I know this is a big shock to you since you are aware of how much time I spend in front of the box.

Here are the rules I must follow for the next week:

1. NO TV shows - not even on DVD - for a whole week

2. I am allowed to watch films at the Cinema or on DVD, but not alone

3. The films can be any films at all - including Porn, if I so desired

4. I am to try to spend time reading during this week

At the end of the week I will tell you how I got on. I may even take pictures of the stuff I did instead of watching telly. I hope to last the whole week.

A More Detailed Update on Recent Events in the Life of Tanya

General Health
Been to the doctor this morning. My shoulder, apparently, is not what is causing me the excrutiating agony that I have been living with. The doctor seems to think that the problem stems from my neck and has ordered a course of physio and an x-ray, just to check that no vertebrae are squishing things and that things are generally in order. I get zapped by radiation tomorrow morning. Which is very quick for the NHS, really. She thinks I may have a trapped nerve or something. As long as they can fix it with a minimal amount of drugs, I am fine with it. Having said that, though, I did ask her for a refill of the mega-supa-dupa painkilling medicine she prescribed for me in October.

I avoid allopathic medicine as much as possible, preferring herbal remedies and alternative treatments. Sometimes, when I need it, it's nice to know that I can take the magic bullet, even though I know it's just treating a symptom and not the cause. I can't afford to see my Medicine Man, nor can I afford the treatments such as shiatsu or acupuncture, which I feel would be the most helpful for this. So I am at the mercy of the NHS and I am grateful for their physio and chemicals.

Creative Writing Workshop
I am having so much fun teaching people! I love seeing people grasping the ideas, seeing the light go on in their eyes as they start to make sense of it all. Most of all, I love that they feel inspired to be more creative. The more I do this, the more I feel I was born to do this. That this is my perfect job. The job that isn't WORK. The job that I would happily do for free because I love it that much. Can I really make a living doing nothing but teaching creative writing? Really? How?

Last night, none of the men in the class showed up and it was just the ladies. Completely different vibe. I noticed that the women seemed a lot freer and expressive without the men around. Interesting.

Driving home, I had several ideas pop into my head. One day workshops. Weekend workshops. Retreats. And the ideas began to scare me because the more I thought about them, the BIGGER they got. And the self doubt crept in. And you know what I decided? I decided that the self doubt can be consigned to the category of bullshit. And we all know how I feel about bullshit. So.

Here are all these ideas. And I have no qualifications other than my experience and my instincts. Sounds like a recipe for adventure!

Tanya's Wish List

One intriguing cat tattoo

A fabulous Diva Coat from Persephone (yeah right - costing $220!)

Manga Tarot Cards (on my Amazon wish list)

Buddha Tarot Cards also on my Tarot Wishlist.

Fabulous Daemonia Bat Shoes available from Gothic.co.uk

A shiatsu massage from Rosewell Shiatsu Centre

An Interesting Thought...

There are people who view tattoos as a form of mutilation. They ask why would anyone want to do that to their bodies? Why spend so much money on something that has no practical use, changes how someone's body looks and is a complete frivolity?

Why doesn't anyone say the same thing to those who turn to cosmetic surgery? It's also a form of body modification. It's often MORE expensive than tattoos or piercings.

I don't judge someone with a nose job. Why should anyone judge another person with tattoos? Why does that make someone a certain 'type'?

One of my cousins commented on my tattoo while I was in SA. I told her about my plans for more tattoos - a HALF SLEEVE of tattoos. "Well, you would," she said, "That's your lifestyle."

Urm. I should point out that she has one tattoo of her own. Small of the back. Only visible when she chooses it to be. So what if my tattoo is visible? And what the hell does she mean it's my lifestyle? Anyone meeting me for the first time would not think I have tattoos. I am a bit of a geek.

Well.... if it makes me a wild and wanton woman, bring it on. Fuck conformity. Fuck society's idea of what a woman should be. Long live choice! Life is too short for bullshit.

My dad would have been 67 today. I can't share this with Dad today, so I will share it with you guys.

I always made a point of phoning him on his birthday and having a chat. The world is undoubtedly a lot emptier without him. I always turned to him for his wisdom and advice and now he is not here.

I was chanting one night and asked who am I to turn to for wisdom now, without my dad. I swear the voice I heard was my dad's. The message was this: "You have all the wisdom you need within you already." Now that' wise, huh?

Sorry, no Dangerdykes or any other updates today and just this silly whiny post.

In other news:
Had an interesting morning. Met a very interesting lady who does shiatsu massage on horses (and humans, but not at the same time). She introduced me to the idea of macrobiotics. Me? Tanya? A health nut? Stranger things have happened. In any case I am considering (on absolutely no cash whatsoever) to at some point go and see this lady so that I can sort this fricken shoulder out.

I pulled the muscles in my right shoulder 4 years ago and recently it's been causing me no end of problems since the pain in the shoulder is only compounded by the pain of repetitive strain in the same arm. The pain creeps up my neck and I end up with horrendous headaches. If there's something out there that will help me manage the pain without chemicals, I am wililng to give it a go. Sadly, the chemicals are cheaper.

In Contemplation of My Next Tattoo...

(not that I have the money to be thinking about this right now.)

Nothing like indulging in a bit of fantasy of a Friday afternoon, eh? And today my thoughts are leading me to consider tattoos. My current tattoo (pictured left) symbolises transformation. Today I was thinking I really should get something tattooed in honour my dad. Or to symbolise rebirth/reincarnation/eternal life. The best that the internet has been able to spit at me is the Ankh. Ankhs can be dead boring. So now I am a bit stuck.

I have picked out several tattoos I would like. One of them I have 'borrowed' from something I have seen on someone else, but will have it modified. It's a wheel of cats. As if you didn't see that one coming. The cats symbolise independence. I am also contemplating a labyrys, obviously to symbolise female strength and the female warrior nature. I am also considering a beautiful lotus flower to symbolise my buddhahood and my faith.

Where are all these tattoos going to go and more importantly, where the fuck am I going to gte the money? Added to that, I would like to work all these ideas together into an intricate, almost tribal half sleeve tribal design. Something like the picture indicated below. Any ideas how existing tattoo, cats, and lotus can work together as part of a tribal sleeve design? The labyrys will be on the other arm, free standing. I want things to link up and join, you know. Not that I should be thinking about this now. Also, does anyone have any suggestions at all what other symbol there is to use instead of an ankh?

Tattoos are like Marmite. You love 'em or you hate 'em.

Now. This bloke pretended to be an expert forensic psychologist for nearly 30 years. He had no qualifications, no grades. He just fooled the justice system. Many of his reports, it is claimed, were simply cut and paste jobs off the internet. If this guy has been at it for nearly 30 years, what did he do before the internet? And why didn't anyone pick this up before 700 cases were handed over to him?

An Update on the Life of Tanya. As We Know It.

When did I become a cantankerous old lady? I am turning 34 this year - not 74! I don't like being cantankerous. This cantankerousness (is that a word?) must stop. That, or the bullshit it in the world must stop. Including my own bullshit! Besides, I always had visions of me being this laid back, very eccentric and scandalous little old lady who wore orange and purple together. At this rate, I'll be one of those blue rinse grannies in a floral print dress who watches the Corrie Omnibus. BAH!

So, in an executive decision, I have decided that I refuse to be an old bat at my age. So There.

ANYWAY...

I recently felt brave enough to step on the scales again. This morning it was, in fact. That's how recent. Urgh. I weigh 100kgs again. That's 15 stone to you people still stuck in the imperial system. It took me 4 months to lose half a stone (yes, I took it easy) and just ONE month to pile it all back on.

I made a promise to myself and to Kate earlier this year that I would SO take better care of myself this year and work on being healthy. This includes going for the dreaded smear test, the dreaded dentist check up and the not so dreaded eye test. And, of course, the health and beauty regime. Heh.

I have not fallen off the wagon - I have been left in the dust and the wagon is but a speck on the horizon and getting smaller and smaller as it races away from me. Crap. So now it's back to the whole get healthy thing. I have scheduled an eye test. And today I had a healthy breakfast and I have a salad for lunch and stir fry for supper. And a little bit of jumping up and down with my exercise DVD is planned. I see my GP on Thursday next week to sort my shoulder out and I am sure I will be prompted to make the dreaded nurse's appointment then.

I've had enough of being tired, slow, lazy, unhealthy. I really have. 34 years old, size 22, obese. That's no way to live, man. That's not even living. That's DYING. I am not going to do this to myself anymore. I owe this to myself more than anything else. I deserve a healthy life. I want to free myself from the life state of Hunger, and this is where I am going to start. With the physical.

So, Kate, you'll be seeing less of me sitting in front of the telly with my feet up from now .

Now, something else:
OK Buddhists - the Absolute Freedom Group needs your Daimoku.

The next Daimoku meeting is on Tuesday 27 February 2007 at the SGI-UK South London National Centre 1 Bernay's Grove, SW9 - www.sgi-uk.org - for those who do not live in London, then please chant in domo with us all when you're at home.

Gongyo starts at 7.30pm with everyone in the centre and then we have the multi function room to chant until 8.30pm. If you would like to support and lead the Daimoku for part of the hour, then please let me know.

This Daimoku meeting is to chant:
* for all those who have met this wonderful Buddhism through our Annual Introductory Lecture aimed at taking Nichiren Daishonin's Buddhism, SGI and 'nam myoho renge kyo' to the lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transgender communities

* to ensure all those who have started to practice through our activities are connected to their respective Districts so they can develop a strong faith, move forward in their lives and become happy

* for the success of our future annual Introductory Lecture and take this wonderful Buddhism into the lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transgender communities

The dates and venues for the next couple of meetings are:

Tuesday 27 March - 7.30pm in Room 6, 1st Floor, SGI-UK North & Central London Centre, Wakefield St, WC1

Tuesday 24 April - 7.30pm at the SGI-UK West London Centre, The Maples, 18 High Street, Acton, W3 6LJ

Once Upon A Time...

...there was a girl named Tanya who was reasonably laid back. It was a glorious time. Then an evil witch put a spell on all the HSBC banks in the land causing their branch numbers to vanish from phone books and the internet, replacing them with one single number, which rang through to the Call Centre of Hell. Tanya begged the demonic call centre woman to tell her the phone number of her local branch, but the demon refused, replying instead with, "We don't have the branch numbers in our office."

"Please," said Tanya, "I must speak with a Financial Advisor. Only she will know how to help me slay my Debt Dragon!"

"Very well, " said the demon, "I will put a call through to the Oakham branch and have them contact you."

HUH? They don't have the fucking number, yet they are phoning the branch on my behalf? What about my autonomy? I can't talk to my bank without 'mommy' telling me it's ok? Fuck this.

Bullshit.

And as long as we're on the subject of Bullshit...

I recently spoke to a woman who was slagging off people from a different race group to hers, calling them derogatory names and when I challenged her on her racism, she insisted she wasn't racist at all. BULLSHIT!

And the Winner Is....

Well, first of all, thanks to our three lovely contestants Kerry, Dori and Tracy for their fine contributions. I enjoyed all of them and frankly found it difficult to pick a winner for the competition. But pick I must and I have chosen Dori's entry to be featured here today. Dori receives a luxury holiday for two to Jamaica. Urm. Nope. That's a different competition. Dori receives a Tarot reading using a spread of her choice! Well done Dori!

To show what a nice person I am (and because it was so damn difficult to choose a winner!) both Kerry and Tracy will receive a 'past, present and future' reading from me as runners up.

Without further ado, I present Dori's Entry:


Callie is a butch diesel dyke who desperately wants to fem herself up a bit. She enlists the help of Wally/Wanda, a pre-op trans-sexual who volunteers with her at the HIV clinic on weekends. While shopping for pink frilly dresses together, they meet Bo – who does voice over work on Sponge Bob Square Pants and is too scared to come out of the closet to his Mormon family.
As these three misfits of society become fast friends, another crisis is looming. The mayor of their small town is on a mission to convert the local PFLAG office into a Centre for the Rehabilitation of LesbiGay Rejects.

Can Callie, Bo and Wally/Wanda save the town from religious and social domination before the stores close or all the fem clothes are sold out?
Will Bo's cartoon career take off and will his parents ever stop being Mormons?
Will Wally successfully become Wanda?
Will Callie and Wanda fall in love and adopt 12 stray cats and a Nigerian orphan?

Only time will tell…

And, at Dori's request, here are the other two entries!

From Tracy:
Coming out, and divorcing her husband, Whitney is exiled from her church congregation, so together the two lovers flee from their small homophobic birth town and Whitney's conservative family to start their new life in the city of New York.

Enthralled with each other, Joanne and Whitney decide to celebrate their love by marrying, both longing to adopt children and have a family they can call their own. But as they search for an establishment willing to legitimize their relationship, they discover that their love for one another is not good enough when the laws of world do not recognize their unlikely union.

Joanne, struggling to cope with the intolerance of the world and having already tasted the cruelty of a bigoted society, steeps into a dark depression while Whitney fearing her lover will commit suicide solicits the comedic assistance of Sponge Bob Square Pants to lighten her lovers' mood. Does she succeed and will these lovers eventually find peace and acceptance?

This touching, sex filled drama proves that love will triumph over any possibility of the imagination and will leave straight narrow-minded audiences feeling less like competent human beings and more like the spineless hypocrites that they are.

Kerry's Entry:
It was a dark and stormy night, and Abby and Libby arrived at their motel seconds before an almighty storm broke the heavens. Their secret tryst weekend, away from Abby's abusive husband and Libby's son, suffering from AIDS, was the first time that they'd managed to
get away to confront the cataclysmic realisation that had dawned on them as they worked side by side at the school bake sale. The realisation that they lusted after one another's cellulite loaded, wrinkle ridden bodies, because nothing else mattered - nothing mattered at all except their desire to satisfy one another.

Abby and Libby had not bargained for all that their accommodation at the Bates Motel offered. The mother and son who managed the accommodation were barely distinguishable from another, and Libby was particularly concerned that the shredded shower curtain was not in
fact a modernist statement, as Abby thought it was. The gardener, Freddie Kruger, was also a cause for alarm, as he was never without his sharp garden clippers. But the couple is determined to enjoy a weekend of passion no matter what comes their way.

Watch as they overcome obstacles, circumvent bizarre events and work their way towards realising the true depth of
their relationship, while desperately avoiding the attentions of an unwelcome visitor - the lady in the red Ferrari.

Dangerdykes have updated.

Movie Reviews

Baby Snatcher

Featuring a younger looking David Duchovny, Baby Snatcher is one of those movies that fits into the made-for-tv category. You'd most likely find this kind of film shown late on a Saturday or Sunday night or in one of those afternoon slots. It's based on the true story of a young mother who has her baby stolen by a complete stranger and her trials and tribulations in getting her child back. It's not an amazing piece of cinematic work and the storyline is predictable, with just above par acting. Not to say I didn't enjoy it. It made for good viewing on a Thursday night when there was nothing on telly at all. The story does explore how relationships and how people may be affected in this situation. This is clearly David Duchovny pre-X Files fame. It is nice, though, to see Nancy McKeon on the screen again. Whatever happened to her?

Mysterious Skin

The story revolves around the lives of two young men who were abused by the same man as children. One can't remember much of the event, and believes he was abducted by aliens. The other becomes a male prostitute and regards his abuser as the first man he ever loved. Watching this film was a bit like watching the second half of Boys Don't Cry: a mixture of horror, compassion and a sense that perhaps I shouldn't be watching this at all. The film contains some scenes which really push the boundaries of tasteful cinema, depicting the sexual abuse of these boys. While the scenes are cleverly cut, I still felt uncomfortable. The cast are superb in their roles. Joseph Gordon-Levitt has really shaken off his child star cutesiness for this role. I can completely understand why this film caused a lot of controversy. Despite that, I will recommend it to viewers of a strong disposition. Reading up about the film on wikipedia, it seems that some groups felt that this film was a "how-to" guide for paedophiles. I didn't think so at all. I thought it was difficult to watch in parts, but its focus, for me at least, was on the effects that this abuse had on these young men later in their lives. Not one I would watch again because it is really uncomfortable to sit through and I don't care much for the subject matter.

Coming Up In "Start Wearing Purple" (and related blogs) This Week

The blog stylings of Tanya O presents the following schedule of entertainment for your reading and viewing pleasure over the next seven days (give or take...)

The Start Wearing Purple Crappy Gay Movie Competition closes at midnight tonight. I have 3 entries so far and they are all good. You still have some time to get your entry in! Go here for details.

Got a question you need answered? Why not ask Jesus? The J-Man is keen to help and is willing to consider your question for his blog. If you have any recipes you would like him to feature, he'd be happy to do that too!

The penultimate episode of The Gay Superheroes Convention will be appearing on Dangerdykes on Sunday. (This is not the end of the Dangerdykes, just the end of that episode, after which our Sapphic crime fighting duo will be embarking on more adventures).

Over the weekend I am putting up reviews of the 2 most recent DVDs watched: Baby Snatcher and Mysterious Skin. That should be on the blog tomorrow.

A new feature will be appearing on Sunday: Experiments in Creativity.

Monday will be the day that the winning entry to The Start Wearing Purple Crappy Gay Movie Competition will be published. Really looking forward to that! This is so exciting!

Over the days of next week I plan to FINALLY post those entries I asked you all to choose from. There were three that were remaining. (What Happened After I Got To London; I Was A Sunday School Teacher; Life in the Rutland Countryside)

Devotees of The Esotericon, it's time to bid farewell to this blog as it is being deleted. Bye, bye, Esotericon.

There you have it. Aside from blogging, my weekend is going to be filled with cleaning the house and getting rid of cardboard boxes from our shed. And possibly getting rid of other shit we never use from our shed. Like the old vacuum cleaner.

Hurrah! Blogging is fun!

Jesus has updated his blog.

Happy Monday - A General Sort of Post

Mercury turns retrograde tomorrow. Not a good time to travel or start new things until after March 8th. Which is a bit crap for those hoping to have found a new love on Valentine's Day. Not that we celebrate Valentine's Day here at Start Wearing Purple.

I have only had 2 entries into The Start Wearing Purple Crappy Gay Movie Competition so far. Remember to send your entries in before Friday 16th Feb.

A new episode of Dangerdykes has finally been penned (and inked). The update before that was in September. September! I am working on not allowing that to happen again for some time.

I still need to put up some posts, which I had promised in the selection process at the end of last year. Don't worry - you'll be getting them at some point.

Dangerdykes have updated. Jesus would have updated too if Blogger didn't kick itself in the shins. But, fear not, a new update from Jesus is coming soon.

Nichiren Daishonin's Words from a Letter Entitled "Happiness in This World"


"Never let life's hardships disturb you. After all, no one can avoid problems, not even saints or sages.

Just chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, and when you drink sake, stay at home with your wife. Suffer what there is to suffer, enjoy what there is to enjoy. Regard both suffering and joy as facts of life and continue chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, no matter what happens. Then you will experience boundless joy from the Law. Strengthen your faith more than ever. "

ANNOUNCING THE "START WEARING PURPLE" CREATE YOUR OWN CRAPPY GAY MOVIE COMPETITION!

The way it works is thus:

EMAIL your plot for a crappy gay movie in "back cover blurb" format - no more than 250 words before Friday 16 February to: purplespacemonkey at gmail dot com (you know how to translate that into an email address, don't you?) If you leave your entry as a comment, you will be disqualified. Sorry.

Points are scored on:

* ridiculousness of plot

* amount of random characters you can throw into it

* how many gay/queer issues you can highlight in your plot (extra points if you can fit it all into one sentence)

* bonus points for somehow linking an element of the plot to Sponge Bob Square Pants.

I have searched my goodie bag to find a prize I can ship anywhere in the world as you guys are all scattered across the globe. The best I can come up with is a free Tarot reading.

Time starts..... NOW!

The winning piece will be published on My blog on Monday 19 Feb.

Yet Another Lesbian Movie Review...





It's In The Water



It seems to me that I have really high expectations when it comes to my cinematic entertainment. I expect the same high quality storylines and acting, as well as originality and good scripting as I would from the mainstream films I watch. I am constantly setting myself up to be disappointed because the majority of lesbian movies I have seen range from acting talent only marginally better than that viewed in porn to mediocre. As a result of this I will have to judge lesbian films on a completely different level. (Read: sub-standard).

It's In The Water is predictable. In a small Texas town, a rumour circulates that something in the water is making the population gay. Added to the plot are several characters struggling with their sexuality and the town's general homophobic attitude and fear of AIDs patients in the local hospice. All the elements of a crappy gay movie. Can't have a gay movie without mentioning AIDs (Side note - do you know that the President of Gambia can cure AIDs in THREE days? Really.) . Or some church group protesting against something gay. Or some church group organising a "we-can-cure-your-gayness" class. The acting borders on the ridiculous. The film should really have started somewhere towards the end, when the real action started (married woman falls in love with lesbian friend - as if that hasn't been done to death). Clearly these script writers have not been attending my creative writing workshop.

On the gay scale... Measured against the worst lesbian film ever seen by me (Claire of the Moon - score 0) and the most acceptible (ie could be mainstream) lesbian film seen by me (Bound and If These Walls Could Talk 2 - score 10), this film scores 2.

Wikipedia states that this film was given the Philadelphia International Gay & Lesbian Film Festival - Audience Award (1997). WHY?

I despair.

A Creativity Update

The creative writing course went very well. At least, Lesson One did. I had about 10 students in the group. There were some absentees, including the same arrogant troll of a man who got on my nerves last year with his know-it-all attitude. Can't tell you how happy I was that he was absent! Unfortunately, he will show up next week. Urgh. Hopefully, since this is a much larger group, he will feel less inclined to tout his sexist, silly and self important opinions.

I had about six students come up to me afterwards to tell me how inspired they were and how much they enjoyed the lesson. I felt really chuffed. Driving home, I realised that I hadn't even thought about being paid for this. It is truly something I love doing so much that I would happily do it for free! I remember a Chinese saying: A man who loves his job will never work a day in his life. And I have also read somewhere that you know you've found your true vocation when you find yourself doing something that you would quite happily do for free. I am good at motivating people. Especially with their creativity. That makes me feel like I actually DO fulfill a purpose in this world.

My Writers' and Artists' Yearbook arrived a couple of days ago and I have already been paging through it looking at various magazines that accept freelance stuff. I have had a look at several websites as well for freelance writing stuff. I just lack the confidence to send my CV through to them because for the past 6 years my day job has been in admin. My friend did point out that the day job pays the bills and if I have to, I should write something up myself to fit the spec. So... the only thing holding me back right now is my fear that people will think I am completely silly for thinking I can apply for freelance work.

Which is ridiculous, because as Lesson One has proved, I CAN DO IT. It's also ridiculous because I have so much experience in a variety of fields. I should just do what I did when I approached Focus with the idea of doing the course: be brave, bold and not let them see the whites of my eyes. Same approach, I think, should be used for contacting the Welland Valley Art Society. They need at least 6 paintings from the artist seeking membership. Three of these need to be framed to exhibition standard. I have, so far, two paintings framed to exhibition standard. I have to actually PAINT the other four paintings. They take applications in April and in August. Not much time then.

Kate's asked me to try a "family portrait" of our cats. I told her I've never painted cats before, but she encouraged me to give it a go. She was so impressed with the drumkit, despite my protestations, and believes that I can produce a painting of our five rascals. Well, my love, I'll give it a go. But in acrylic because it dries quicker and I can get it framed quicker!

My buddy Chris and I are engaged in a few creativity experiments to be carried out during the month of January. This week, we are testing the efficacy of sodalite crystals at enhancing creativity. Watch this blog for the results.