House of Flying Daggers - Review

I would like to lay the blame of this squarely at the feet of Mr Ben Dreyer, our high school art teacher. I clearly remember him teaching us about composition and the beauty of a picture in its own right. What makes a beautiful work of art.

House of Flying Daggers is a cinematic artwork. I don't mean as in film being a form of art, I mean that if this were a painting or a sculpture it wouldn't look out of place in a museum. I found the film to be filled with sumptuous colours, incredibly beautiful landscapes. Impossibly bright colours. Such beautiful people clad in exquisite fabrics. And do not get me started on the martial arts choreography.

The plot is simple: a soldier is told to follow and befriend a blind girl who is apparently a member of the rebellious House of Flying Daggers, in order to assassinate their leader. The soldier and the girl fall for each other.

It's a boy meets girl film with martial arts in it.

The Chinese name of the film translates to Attack from All Sides, and this is by far more fitting. The film isn't about the House of Flying Daggers - it's about the lovers. They are in many ways, attacked from all sides.

It's worth watching purely for its visual quality. The storyline is predictable and without a doubt been done before. However, it really is worth seeing just for the quality of cinematic photography and the martial arts sequences.

Have a look at the trailer here.

Halloween, Movies and Minor Events

I watched House of Flying Daggers yesterday. I'll put up a review a little later. What I will say is that it is a beautiful movie. And by beautiful, I mean the look and feel of it. More about all that a little later.

I discovered this morning that my boss had screwed up on my salary and had only paid it in on Friday night, which means I am pretty much without my pay cheque until Thursday. He did, however, make a plan for me today so that I won't have to panic about the bills that are coming out of my account on Wednesday. Hoo-fucking-ray.

This minor hiccup has actually been a fantastic karmic learning curve for me. Initially, I was feeling like I should be the one trying to rush around and find the money from SOMEWHERE, when I stopped myself. It wasn't MY fuck up. So why should I try to get an extension on my loan for his mistake? Then it dawned on me how I do this a lot - and not just with money. I inevitably end up apologising to the person who has wronged me!

As a result I think I should connect with my inner bitch just a little. I am a nice person on the whole, but lately I have begun to realise that I let people get away with taking advantage of me. So... I plan to bitch-up.

My grandfather used to have a saying (and perhaps Red could translate this into Italian for me since the old boy was Italian and no doubt uttered it in the language): The more you bend, the more your arse shows.

What a classic saying! Life's too short for bullshit. I am not bending anymore.

Finally, for those of you who are interested, I have put a short article on Halloween over on the Esotericon blog.

Sunrise/Sunset - View the pictures HERE

Sunset/Sunrise - Clock Change Weekend
Saturday Evening - Sunset

A view up the lane, with my little car on the right hand side. Looks all cloudy and miserable - not a very good picture, I have to say.

Synchronised Photography

Here's an interesting idea, ladies and gents: We all get up nice and early on Sunday when the clocks go to Daylight Savings wotsit and we take a photograph at Sunrise. Then post the picture in our blogs. More information from Shep at Cliff-A-Go-Go.

Now, I know that most of my readers are my friends in South Africa, but how about you join in? I know in SA we have none of this daylight savings time malarkey, but for the hell of it, let's see your sunrise too!!

Follow the instructions on Cliff-A-Go-Go and don't forget to leave me a comment so I know you've done that.

Now, if only I can work out how to use that friggin camera. Kate! HELP!

New Couches and Six Word Stories

First, the six word stories...

Go over to Tastes Like Llama and have a read. And try one yourself.

OH NO! Not the Comfy Chair!!

After waiting over a month for our new couches to arrive, I finally took delivery of them yesterday. They look lovely and they are very comfy too. Sitting in them feels like sitting in a nice warm hug.

Maybe I've just been without a couch too long. The old, tired couches and chairs we had before left our little home at the end of August already. We were left using Kate's old divan bed as a seat until the new couches arrived yesterday. That divan bed was Kate's since she was 11 and once languished upstairs in our cottage as the spare bed. I am surprised she was happy to let it go. Kate is, after all, a bit of a hoarder. *

So, couches are in place and have been claimed by the true rulers of the house: the cats. They have already tested out the comfiness of the seats, and it appears that the couches are a hit with Luce, Tink and Zak aka The Trio of Tabbies.

They think that the couches have been installed as a kind of cat exercise thingy. The plastic, cardboard and bubble wrap that the couches came in were piled in the centre of lounge in a heap. The Trio of Tabbies devised a game in which they leaped from couch to couch and then into the pile of cardboard and bubble wrap. This is most entertaining to watch.

Kate has instructed me to ensure that no cat claws the couches.

......

.....

(Hahaha)

The lounge is now a cat playground. The only one of the lot not interested (for now) is Mischa, who has decided she prefers the comfort of the futon in the spare room. And now I get to spread myself out on comfy couches when I watch the telly. When the cats let me.

* Kate still has clothing in her wardrobe from her teens. One of these items is a leather jacket she's had since she was 11 - and it still fits her. In fact, most of her clothing comes from the children's section, most notably boys sizes aged 9-10 for tops and boys sized aged 12-13 for trousers and shorts. And sometimes, these items of clothing still afford her a lot of wiggle room. And we like it when Kate wiggles.

We Worry About Money Now, But It's Sex We're Going to Miss The Most...

I had meant to blog about this the other day.

Apparently, what old aged pensioners seem to regret the most is that they didn't have enough sex when they were younger.

You laugh? Ok - have a look at the article on Sky News.

I think it's amusing that 44% of the young people they interviewed for this survey regretted that they weren't famous. It's one regret I thankfully won't have! I don't want to be famous. Can you imagine how much stress that has to be? Cameras in your face all the time, the pressure to constantly look good, your entire personal life splashed across tabloid pages... I guess you can argue that hot babes, more money than you know what to do with and exotic holidays make that all worth it. Meh. I'd rather have more sex.

It also amuses me that the older generation feel they have missed out on having loads of sex. I wonder if it's because they are living in a more permissive society in which much of what young people are indulging in today was frowned upon when they were young? Or is it simply a case of the mechanics of sex failing to work as well as it used to and a wistful yearning for past lovers?

Who knows?

Regrets? I have a few. But then again...

Do I regret not having had enough sex? Not yet.

So - 70% of old folk reckon they didn't get enough action when they were younger. I wonder what we will say we regret when we are old and some sociologist decides to ask us about our regrets?

M. Night Shyamalan Movies

Last night I watched Signs. Mel Gibson. Joaquin Phoenix. I heard it had done well at the box office and I had read a few good reviews. So, I put Signs on my DVD list.

I didn't like it.

It tells the story of an ex-reverend who's faith in God has been eradicated by the death of his wife. And then aliens arrive in his cornfield.

No suspension of disbelief for Auntie Tanya over here. The finest acting, I must say, came from the children. A little from Joaquin Phoenix. Mel Gibson? I am tired of Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson has stopped being an actor for me (was he ever an actor?) and has just seems to play roles like This Is What Mel Gibson Would Have Been Like Had He Been A Reverend. OR This Is What Mel Gibson Would Have Been Like Had He Been A Cop. Sorry, Mel fans, but I am not entirely convinced that the man can play anything other than a different version of himself.

Actually, while I really enjoyed The Sixth Sense, also directed by Shyamalan, I didn't really immerse myself in the others I saw either. Unbreakable I saw mainly because I like Samuel L Jackson. But Bruce Willis is another actor who is playing himself. I've also seen The Village, which I also enjoyed, but which I ruined for myself by guessing the outcome of the story within the first 40 minutes of the film. So I didn't really immerse myself because I knew what was going to happen. And I was right. Disbelief semi-suspended.

I am giving the rest of Shyamalan's films a miss for now. I do think he has some good stories to tell and for me, The Sixth Sense and The Village were well told. I am, however, disappointed, especially after Signs.

I still can't figure out what the hell point there was to that movie. At all. I looked it up on the Net and there's loads of yada-yada about symbolism and shit. I didn't get it. Sorry. Throughout the film, little hints and clues are dropped all over the place. I picked those up, waited for some amazing revelation and got nothing.

Would I recommend this film? Not unless it's on really late on telly and you are bored and don't have to rent it.

Maybe I just missed the point. Enlighten me if you feel there is a point. But for me, it was just a waste of my time. I kept waiting for the big pay off. There was none. Maybe it's just too subtle for my little brain.

In any case, no more Shyamalan for me for a while. I've had my fill.

Pish!

I am a blog whore.

I have tried all bloody day to get onto this damn blogspot (my favourite blogging place) and have had to resort to putting this post on my Myspace. *sob* OH THE HORROR! The horror! I feel so dirty....

The blog is below:


I just felt like sharing a story from my life long long ago as a married lady. It popped into my head just before I fell asleep last night and I do believe the last thought before sleep rushed in was, "What a weird thing to think about now!"


A Tale from My Marriage

(Not that this story has anything to do with being married, but...)

Ex-Man and I were in the market for some furniture and being newly weds, we didn't really have that much cash to flash around. My ex-and-late-father-in-law suggested that we look for stuff at auctions. He explained that sometimes people have auctioneers come to their own homes and sell all their stuff that way.

What a novel idea!

So off we pootled to Bryanston, Johannesburg, to view the spoils of someone else's life. The house itself was opulent with lush gardens. The interior was tastefully decorated, and we really liked several of the items that were going up for auction.

Me, being me, and not one to keep my mouth shut, wanted to find out why all this stuff was up for auction. Rather than talk to the host of the auction himself, I sought out 'the help', which I discovered consisted of two gardeners and a maid.

They stood to one side of the house, looking sullen, being quiet and sad eyed. Almost invisible.
I asked them why the stuff was up for auction.

The gardener volunteered the chilling reply: "Madam shot herself."

Oh. I see. Suicide furniture.

I told Ex-Man and we made a hasty exit.

I have no idea why I thought of that last night. Perhaps because I was writing a short story in my head. Perhaps because I watched a documentary on men who are beaten up by their wives and thought you never know what goes on in another person's life. But there it is.

Reality and Fantasy

I won't be seeing Kate until the middle of November. She's working quite a few extra shifts at the airport. Oh... lonesome me. So, to combat the possible cabin fever and loneliness I have planned the following:

1. Erika is coming over to watch Corpse Bride on Hallowe'en

2. I'd like to go and see Little Miss Sunshine at the arts centre

3. I have decided to buy a new sketch book and go to one or two life drawing classes on a Thursday evening in Stamford

Plus, there will be several sundry Buddhist activities and Bethan has said she'd like to chant with me one evening at some point, so I should be able to stave off the claws of loneliness.

Kate's schedule is fairly regular - she comes home for four days and goes to London for four days. I think the cats have tuned into this Kate rhythm. Tinkie and Zak were sat at the window at roughly the time Kate comes home in the evening when she's completed her shift. They sat there until I went to bed and announced it was time for "sleepies". Maybe I am giving the cats more credit than they're due. Maybe they were watching the ivy outside the window swinging in the wind.

Yesterday I completed Jesus Cooks with Gordon Ramsay and uploaded it. Waiting for my creative energy to return - seems to have dipped.

Onto the fantasy. This is where I would like to be right now. In the Maldives. Nice and warm. Secluded. Gorgeous beaches. And every day a lovely lady will arrive to give me a full body massage and later one there would be yoga on the deck overlooking the ocean.

Yeah. Ok. A girl's got to have some kind of dream.

In the News Today:

Woman is robbed of briefcases filled with sex toys! (From the Mail and Guardian)

Here it is:

Jerusalem, Israel
Israeli police said on Wednesday they were on the lookout for 40 vibrators and a $200 dildo after thieves plundered the automobile of a noted sexologist in Tel Aviv.

"Thieves broke into her car and apparently stole from her a caseload of vibrators," police spokesperson Micky Rosenfeld said. "It's difficult to say the exact value of the items stolen, but obviously we're searching for these items just as with any other incident of theft.

"The thieves were likely surprised by the contents, Rosenfeld said.

The two metal cases stolen from Shelly Pasternak's car on Friday resembled those used for expensive audio-visual equipment, but instead contained massage oils, dildos, whips, Chinese balls and handcuffs, as well as vibrators.

In all, the thieves made off with about $2 000 worth of sex toys, Pasternak said, adding that the most valuable item was an elaborate vibrating dildo that sells for $200.

"It's a very unique one because it gives very high pleasure to women," she said.However, Pasternak said she was most concerned about a book of receipts inside the case that contained the names of customers who purchased sex toys, many of whom prefer to remain anonymous.

Pasternak (32) is a sexologist who hosts a sex programme on Israeli television, holds workshops and lectures at bachelor and bachelorette parties

Something Lighter

I've been a depressing old cow the last few days, haven't I?

Well, here's a lighter story for you. I almost spat coffee out my nose this morning. I turned on the morning news (which I don't often do) and a very cheerful, very blonde presenter reminded all of us viewers out there that there are just 8 weeks' shopping left till Christmas!

Ho ho fucking ho.

The season is upon us.

Existential Bum Fluff

So, not having much spare cash to my name and not having any extra source of income, I have done something which could be construed as silly. I am going to go back to South Africa for a visit in Feb/March 2007. I did consider January initially, but the prices are extortionate.

Right now, I am taking a "leap-and-the-net-will-appear" kind of attitude. Kate's agreed to help me out where she can and I get to eat beans on toast for the next few months while I scrape every spare penny I can find into this Visit South Africa Fund.

I am sure I have mentioned this, but my dad is dying. This has prompted an inordinate amount of panic in me about a great deal of things. And me, being me, I've let them all stew over the last... oooh.... seven months. Since my last visit to South Africa, in fact.

And this panic about not seeing my dad again and the finality of his disease has conjured up all kinds of devils in my own life. It's forced me to question what my purpose in life is. It's opened up the nasty can of worms labelled "What Are You Doing With Your Life, Tanya?", which had been quietly hissing and seething in the back cupboard since 1991. It's made me pick up each piece of my life and scrutinise it and question it.

I am a big believer in every day having value, but living that philosophy to its full has lately become a really difficult thing to do. I was inspired by recent Buddhist meetings to move my life forward and to embrace what each day brings me with a sense of joy.

But sometimes, on days like this, when the hope is just an echo in my heart, I wonder if all of this that I believe in is just bum fluff.

Jesus displays his hairstyles through the ages.

Cosmic Transformation - A Day for Amplified Positive Energy

Apparently today we are going to be caught in a Cosmic Event on a grand scale. For 17 hours today, all our thoughts are amplified a million times. I mean thoughts that manifest into the material.

So think wonderful thought as this will set you up for the time to come and apparently the effects are only going to be felt in Jan/Feb 2007.

It's to do with sacred geometry and other stuff I don't quite have my head wrapped around, but why not drop in on the Esotericon where I have posted the original bit of information I received?

Make your thoughts good, strong and positive ones!

Also, this from The Astrology Page. Apparently there are big planetary movements as well.

Who knows if this is a great big email send around thingy? Well... it can't hurt to live your day with positive thoughts at any one time, now can it?

Weekend Learning Curve

This weekend I have learned that:

1. Stressing about an exam isn't going to make it any easier to do

2. Talk to your partner first before you decide to jump on a plane to go and live in South Africa permanently.

3. I am having a quarter-life/mid-life/something-life crisis

4. I can go from 3 Pimms with lemonade and one sherry straight to hungover without passing through drunk.

You don't really need to read further than that list, but if you want, I can elaborate. But later. I need coffee.

Friday the 13th

Actually, I am not superstitious about Friday the 13th. Or black cats crossing my path. My path is frequently crossed by a black cat: Noodle. I don't walk under ladders purely because I don't want anything to fall on top of me. The number 13 means nothing to me. It's a number.

However, that doesn't mean that today has no importance in my life. It does. It's my mother's birthday. Or rather, it would have been her birthday had she still been alive. She would have been 64 this year.

I had missed out on four of her birthdays before she died due to living out here. I used to make a big thing of it: a cake from the home industry shop (made by number 32 who was very good at marble cake and sponge), some flowers and a gift with a card. A few times I treated her to lunch or to tea in a very swish restaurant that she always wanted to go to, but was afraid she couldn't afford.

This grand display sounds lovely, doesn't it? What mum wouldn't love that on her birthday?

Well, my mum was a bit weird about her birthday. She would say she didn't want gifts or accolades. She would say that it was a waste of money. She would actually tell us not to buy her anything at all, but to use the money for something more important instead.

I only took this seriously ONCE in my life. All hell broke loose and she accused me of not appreciating her and not loving her. So, every year after that, she got the grand display, and I got to hear, "But you shouldn't have spent so much money. I didn't want anything. " I wasn't going to take my chances and only turn up with nothing again.

For all her weirdness and quirks, I miss my mom today. I wish I could do the grand display for her just one more time. The cake, the flowers, the gift and the tea at Mantovani's.

I miss you, mommy.

More on Creating Value

Following my previous post, Karen asked these questions: "Would you be able to expand a bit on some of the things you mentioned from the conference? Specifically how do you start detoxifying your life? How do you recognize the things that are holding you back? And how do you create value in your life every day?"

I'll give you some background and then answer the last question Karen posed. I'll come back to the others a little later.

Let me begin with the points from our HQ day that were covered that made me think:
Yas, the UK young men's leader, covered this month's study from the Ghosho (a book of the writings of Nichiren Daishonen). The letter we were studying pertained specifically to attaining Buddhahood and it went on to describe how difficult it was to do. He spoke about how easy it is to give up and walk away from all we have learned and begun to transform in our lives because of self doubt. In Nichiren Buddhism, this self doubt/low self esteem is referred to as The Devil King of the Sixth Heaven. And he's a mean one. He is the embodiment of the fundamental darkness within us - our fears, our doubts, our hatred, our desire for vengeance, our envy... all these things.

Next, we had another leader, Cathy, share with us her experience of hearing a lecture by Dr Lawrence Carter Sr, Dean of Morehouse College. Lawrence Carter was with Martin Luther King all the way. He supported him in his endeavours and was with him at the forefront of the civil rights movement in America. She related to us Dr Carter's fondness for Nichiren Buddhists and how they have worked to create a more peaceful society. The SGI movement (the lay arm of Nichiren Buddhism), together with Dr Carter, has put up a travelling exhibition titled Gandhi King Ikeda, celebrating the efforts of these three men in creating a peaceful and tolerant society.


Now, the points from this meeting that really pushed my feelings towards value creation came from Cathy's talk. What Gandhi, Martin Luther King and Daisaku Ikeda have in common is how they live being the change they wish to see in society. Their efforts have been to create value in society by unlocking the hidden potential in others so that they can institute change within themselves and society.

And, it was Gandhi who said that we should become the change that we wish to see. And that particular seed is what took root inside me and inspired me to decide to create value with my life every day.

How do you create value in your life every day?

For anyone, the basic premise would be the same. Get up each morning with the intention to create value, live your potential and do your best. One of Don Miguel Ruiz's Four Agreements is: Always do your best. He points out that this varies from day to day according to health and circumstances. Some days it will be easier and some days this will be the hardest thing you do. However, set this as your intention.

For me, it's standing up. Standing up for myself and speaking my truth and not judging others for what they believe. Standing up to the negative behaviours and attitudes within myself and challenging that behaviour in others. It means not resting on my laurels and not putting myself down. It means living my talents and living my practice as a Buddhist. It means that I give my full attention to people when they talk to me. I walk away from situations that are harmful and negative. It means encouraging people who need lifting, but not giving myself over to their negative emotions nor losing myself in drama. It means rising to the challenge of living authentically and helping others to see their authentic selves. It means acknowledging my true potential, forgiving myself and others. Every day has meaning and purpose. Regardless of how shitty or how amazing I feel, I strive with each day to always do my best.

So the place to start is with yourself. Just as you are, in the here and now. The first step to take is acceptance of who you are, how your choices have brought you the life you are living now and accepting that you have the ability to change anything within your life. There is no place for recriminations or guilt. If the past has been painful, simply observe how your actions have brought you to the present. Don't judge. Observe and accept.

After acceptance, forgive. Forgiveness is the key to your freedom. I read somewhere that not forgiving someone is like being imprisoned with the person who wronged you day after day and forgetting that you have the key to unlock the door. Forgiveness is not for the person who wronged you. Forgiveness sets YOU free by you setting someone else free. That energy wasted on hurt and revenge and anger is wasted energy. Why not channel that energy into your own life in a positive way? The benefits are enormous, as I have seen in my own life. This process is as easy or as difficult as you choose to make it. However, make it nonetheless.

Creating Value in Every Day Life

I attended an HQ Buddhist meeting on Sunday 8 October down in Cambridge. I volunteered to help out with serving tea and coffee and generally being around to help out.

The lectures were really insightful and so were the experiences shared by other members, but the greatest thing I came away with was how important it is to create value with our lives.

It occurred to me that so many of us, me included, have been sleeping through the greatest production of our lives - OUR LIVES. That practicing Nichiren Buddhism is as much about awakening true potential as it is in gaining enlightenment.

And don't we all bury a talent or neglect ourselves or hide what is beautiful about who we are? Sometimes we feel our true potential has been stolen from us by the harsh criticism from our parents, the guilt from church or the discouraging remarks from teachers. So we decide to live a half life. We are there, but we are not ALIVE. We stumble through our days like Zombies.

And I have been living much of my life, I realised, in this Zombie state. I get up, go to work, come home and use TV as my drug to numb myself to the pain of not living a full and authentic life. I exist. I breathe. I eat. But I am not fully alive.

And I think of my mother who lived her entire life in that Zombie state. How talented she was! But one by one, those gifts died inside her. Some were murdered by other people while she allowed others slip quietly away. She died long after her life had stopped.

She would be turning 64 on Friday had she lived.

And this has made me think about where I am and who I am and the state of my own life and how I live in denial of my gifts. I hide my true potential in case it offends others. I believe that other gifts were stolen. The truth is that it all lies within me still - sleeping. I do not want to be like my mother and sleepwalk my way through this life, only to die with my life unfulfilled.

And on Sunday, at the meeting, it became clear. I must create value with my life. EVERY DAY. Even on the hard days when it's difficult to even imagine getting up. It means being true to myself, listening to my intuition. Grabbing life by the balls.

Last night I was reminded of one of my own favourite sayings: Life is too short for bullshit.

It is indeed. And now is the time for me to start detoxing my life.

Jesus Answers Chris's Question

Wayward Creativity and Life in General

I suppose it's time for an update on life, the universe and the state of my creativity.

I have, for some time, been really stuck creatively until I had a pretty weird dream about Jesus and Wonder Woman, which sparked off a whole stream of ideas that sucked me in. In between blogging for Jesus I am also customising Kate's drum kit. So many creative ideas over the last few months have simply flooded my brain and I just haven't had the time/motivation/freedom from creative block/all of the above to sit down and work on all of them.

Dangerdykes have gone into hibernation for a little bit due to me plunging into the other projects. I have been challenged to write two humorous pieces by two bloggers - months ago - and I haven't started yet. (Sorry Chris. Sorry Pie). Other great cartoon ideas are waiting to be born. Paintings are waiting to be begun. Stories written. A novel. A creative writing workshop.

I realised this morning what it was that I really wished that I could get paid to be creative like this. In a sense it seems a waste that I am being all creative and doing something I love in my spare time and spending the bulk of my energy on a satisfactory, though mediocre, job.

I always believed that my ideal lifestyle would be to make money from my art, my writing and even with my singing (if I am brave enough to get back into it), while conducting creativity and creative writing workshops. In this fantasy I have pockets of time to create, while a routine of teaching would ensure that I do not starve. In my imagination, I have a studio and an office attached to a modest house. With lots of free range cats and perhaps one or two West Highland Terriers.

How do I make that happen? Other people live their creativity. Why not me? Suggestions?

And Now, The Weekend That Was and The Week Ahead:
Kate's put her back out, so Saturday evening was spent at the emergency GP's office so that she could get an injection for the pain.

Sunday was awesome! Buddhist meeting in Cambridge, which really got me thinking about how we make change within our own lives and how small changes within us can even influence changes within society.

What's on the cards for this week? Study, study and more study. There will not be too many postings, unless I find the time to procrastinate. (There's always time for procrastination, baby!) I write my OU timed essay/exam thingy on Saturday 14 October.

I feel like only after Saturday will I be able to start breathing again. I've put a lot of stuff on hold until after the exam, so it will be interesting to get back into the swing of things once that's over.

Jesus answers A Shade of Red's Question

Jesus answers Simon's questions.

Right. Telemarketer Amnesty is Now OVER.

I declared Telemarketer Amnesty some time ago because I thought it would help my karma. Fuck that for a bag of monkeys.

Even when I try to be nice, I still confuse them.

Them: "Is Ms K [Surname] there? I am phoning from Undisclosed Mobile Phone Company"

ME: "No. I'm her partner - could I help?"

Them: "Oh! This is a business number."

ME: "No. I am her wife."

Them: "Oh! Then is Mr K [Surname] there."

ME: "No. She isn't a man. She's a woman."

Them. "........."

So last night I went through the exchange above once more and the lady I spoke to then said:

Lady: "What is your name?"

Me: "I don't give my name to strangers, sorry."

Lady: "But I am from Undisclosed Mobile Phone Company."

Me: "Sorry, but no."

Lady: "Well, I just want to let Ms [Surname] know we will be sending her a new camera phone."

Me: "She doesn't use your service. She already has a phone. Thank you."

Lady: "Do you have a mobile phone, madam?"

Me: "Yes, I do. I don't need a new one, but thank you."

Lady: "How much do you spend on the phone a week?"

Me: "£5.00 a month."

Lady: (incredulous) "£5.00 a month? What contract are you on?"

Me: "Pay as you go. I am not interested in a contract or in a new mobile phone. Thank you."

Lady: "If you pay £32 a month on our contract you will get a free..."

Me: "I spend only £5.00 a month on top up. £32 is more than I pay now."

Lady: "But you'll get a free...."

Me: "I am not interested. Thank you."

And so the conversation continued for another few minutes until I eventually got arsey and told her that I don't want her fricken phone or contract and slammed the phone down.

Telephone preference is going to be sorted. TODAY.

OHMYGOD.

I did something really nuts. The dead Catholic inside of me has risen and begun screaming about how I am going to burn in Hell for this... but.. since I am gay and divorced and already in Hell by their standards, here is a new project I started. Not sure what to do with it, but it was inspired by a weird dream I had recently.

What Would Jesus Do?

Despite the religious name, be warned, this is very irreverent and not Christian friendly.

Some Interesting Lessons I Have Learned in My Life So Far...

(in no particular order)

1. American Marines make THE best margheritas EVER

2. Never let a drunk friend anywhere near your own drink

3. Do not trust the scale. The scale lies.

4. It's good to have a friend somewhere in the world to share champagne cocktails with

5. The pull of family is stronger than the pull of the most powerful magnet

6. All you need is love

7. I am built for comfort, not for speed

8. Don't believe everything in the media

9. You can't change other people - only yourself

10. Ants aren't tasty

11. Playing swordfights and dragonslayers with one's nephew is the best game ever played

12. The more you bend, the more your arse shows

13. Sometimes, as much as you hate to admit it, mother is right

14. You can grieve for somebody before they've died

15. That the human biological clock actually operates on a 25 hour day. Mars has 25 hour days.

16. I CAN be a cartoonist despite what that awful Miss Stone said when I was 11

17. Change is the only constant

18. If I fill my cheeks with water and purse my lips, I can talk like Donald Duck

19. The universal law of cause and effect

20. Humankind goes to work in order to keep catkind in the way it's become accustomed

Yet Another Homicidal Maniac Goes Postal

What the fuck is up with all these people going fricken postal and shooting up schools? This is the third one in the last month.

What's up with that?

New Adventures into Italian Bureaucracy

I love Italians. They are such warm and passionate people. My grandfather was one, so was my mother. One of my really good friends is Italian. I love all things Italian - culture, music, food, country, language. There is only ONE thing that irks me about anything Italian and that is their absolute adoration of red tape.

I have journeyed into the maw of administrative hell more than once. And now, I prepare to do it again. Today, I send my application to renew my passport to the consulate. I had to travel to Nottingham to get my photographs verified last week. It was an exercise that took a mere 10 minutes of small talk to complete, but a journey that took 2 hours and a 45 minute walk to the office.

So, I am sending my bits and pieces to Manchester today and I am chanting like crazy that it all goes well. It's really important to get the passport back as soon as because I have no idea when I will be asked to go back to South Africa because of my dad. So. Fingers crossed, hope for the best.

Lesbian Movie Review

What do you get when you mix teenage first love angst with young lesbian lovers? Apparently, a movie called Lost and Delirious. Now, if you have been following this blog at all, you will know that Kate and I are still searching for a decent lesbian flick (as in movie you dirty bastards). This means: good story, good scripting and good acting. Usually, none of these are present.

Out of some of the sapphic disasters we've sat through, this one is quite good by comparison. Note: by comparison.

There is actually something of a story line and the acting is a lot better than the last piece of junk we got, which we switched off halfway through. (Three of Hearts now stands in second place on our list of Worst Ever Lesbian Films Ever Made.)

The plot of Lost and Delirious is fairly simple and is set in a private boarding school and narrated by a character, Mary, played by a young Mischa Barton.

Paulie and Victoria share a room and are madly in love. However, after being discovered in bed together by Victoria's little sister, Vic decides to break off with Paulie and walk the straight and narrow. She dates a guy and slates her girl. It can only end in disaster - and it does. Paulie, distraught at losing her lover, eventually leaps off a tall building, but unlike the Super One, does not go on to save the world.

There is some wordy dialogue and a few scenes that made me think, "OH god, here we go..." but it was generally ok.

Would I recommend it? No. So far there are very few gay films I WOULD recommend. You can visit this previous post to find out what I do think is good.

So... my new scoring system is:

Entertainment value: 5/10
Storyline: 4/10
Acting: 5/10 (you can tell the young Mischa will go places and it is no small wonder you don't actually see much of the other two)
Will I recommend this to a friend? Not really. If someone gives it to you, watch it if you want, but you won't be missing anything if you don't. Don't bother wasting money on it, though.

TOTAL: 14/30

And this is why women are not as 'free' as they like to think they are.