An Update of Sorts
Built for Speed...
I have updated Loving What I See in light of yesterday's blog. I am back on the wagon.
I have begun to read Eckhart Tolle's book, The Power of Now, and it has begun to alter my perspective of the world.
I have also taken on board my yoga teacher's words. She told me that everything is energy - even money is energy - and that when you start seeing everything as energy, you will want to invest your energy more wisely.
And this is so very true.
I have been panicking about my finances and what to do about them, and this weekend I sat down and did my budget for January and instead of seeing the figures I wrote down as money, I saw them as energy. This energy that I was investing was keeping a roof over my head, bought healthcare for my cats, paid for my car, my council tax, the water I drink, the food I eat.... And this is what I am giving myself. And if I think of the money I am spending as stuff that I give myself, the whole thing changes.
I do feel that the energy I put into paying off my debts is wasted, but I do think that this perception will be changing.
Looking at the numbers for my budget made me ask, "Do I really want to invest energy in XYZ?" For example, some of the energy I spend on feeding myself goes to foods that are harmful to my body - do I really want to invest energy actively in something that will kill me? Would I do that to a person I love? HELL NO!
From this place I feel empowered. I feel that I AM capable of changing my circumstances.
My sister has arranged a nurse to look in on my Dad during the day. This has had a profound effect on him, because it's brought about the realisation that the only limitation he faces with his disease, are the ones he imposes on himself. This could mean that he could regain some of his independence and the nurse feels she can have him driving again by the end of January. It was great to hear my dad's voice. He sounded so upbeat and he was as excited as a little boy when he told me that he had been able to blow up a balloon.
And I take blowing up a balloon for granted. And for my dad, that's a milestone. Wow.
I am also reading (at the same time as Ekhart Tolle's book) a book called The Van Gogh Blues by Eric Maisel. It relates to how to deal with depression, particularly for creative people. Having experienced a depressive episode that kicked in around July and which has completely flattened my creativity, I thought I'd give it a go. And it really is good. I am starting to feel more creative and some of my old self is returning, which is such a relief.
What this means is that I feel I can go back to doing Dangerdykes as soon as the New Year (although I am toying with a Christmas special, but that remains to be seen since I have a drumkit to finish off customising in time for Christmas).