Some More Thoughts on Friendship
(Before I continue, I would like to point out that it is winter in Johannesburg and today's temperature is 21 degrees Celsius. It is summer in the UK and the temperature recorded in Oakham today is 15 degrees Celsius. That is all.)
After reading a post on Teri's Blog, I found myself returning to the topic of friendship. I remember also reading something by Geneen Roth (again) that reiterated my own feelings that if you are in a friendship and you feel diminished in some way, you need to change it.
I have figured that I have allowed some people to use me as a way to make themselves feel better about who they are. This has really niggled me, particularly due to an incident over the weekend, when I realised that I had allowed myself to be used in this way by someone in particular.
It dawned on me that I didn't want to be judged and found wanting by someone who called herself a friend. I clearly didn't meet her standards or criteria for perfect and she belittled me for it. It was also made clear that if someone is constantly 'testing' your friendship, to see how true a friend you are to them, they are no way a friend to you.
How did friendships become so complicated? Manipulators and energy vampires are everywhere. I've managed to deal with my own negative compulsions that would ordinarily attract people like this, however I find that I am still being hurt by some people I really thought I could trust and rely on.
One of my favourite sayings is that if you want to change your circumstances, you have to change yourself. And maybe that's just it. I HAVE changed myself and become more positive. I am no longer willing to indulge in a feel sorry for myself fest. I am not willing to submit to someone else's negativity. And perhaps some people feel threatened by that.
How do you spot someone's true colours? How do you know when to stay and when to walk away?