Mercury is Retrograde, Full Moon Approaches...Time Marches On.

Almost there. La Casa is almost cleared of its clutter and furniture. There are no more pictures on the wall and the cats are gone. I am not sad. La Casa della Lesbica will always be wherever I am. It's my spirit. Admittedly, when i get to South Africa, all I will have is La Camera della Lesbica, but it's still the same spirit.

2 weeks, 5 days.

The time has gone by quickly, yet there are parts that seemed to have slowed down to allow months of living to take place in single moments. In just three weeks, I have longed, I have dreamed, I have loved and I have found my centre. I have, in a space of a few months, travelled through years, discovered secret gateways into my soul. I have both lost and found. I've invoked the power of the Universe and conversed with the dead. I have cut my ties and I have formed new ones. I was broken and then I became whole.

I feel I have lived an entire life in the space of just 6 months.

Mercury is retrograde in Cancer at the moment and this forces us to consider our emotional attachments and relationships. I certainly have done much thinking about this. I regret to say that I have no conclusions to draw as yet. Whenver Mercury is retrograde, it creates havoc with travel plans, communications and new projects. Never a good time to start something new when Mercury goes retrograde. Mercury turns direct again on 9 July.

Still, I am happy. I have not felt this confident or comfortable with the woman I am, ever. This is good.

So, Let Me Tell You About My Weekend

Saturday started well. I met my students in Stamford for a cup of coffee. They wanted to say goodbye to me. It was fantastic. We drank and chatted even while the rain poured down and the other coffee shop patrons ran for shelter. We, instead, opened up umbrellas and stayed at our table.

I then hopped onto a train to Doncaster. I sat next to a dark skinned man who smelled like lemon sherbert and who dozed quietly as we sped through the countryside.

Sharon, my new lover, met me at the station and we enjoyed a lovely afternoon and evening together: a drive to Cleethorpes and then on to a pub that had a view of the Humber Bridge. And we talked. We laughed. It felt amazingly good.

I opened myself to each memory as it was made and I can still feel the wind whipping through my hair as we sped across the motorway in Sharon's sporty little car with the roof down.

Sunday was gloriously lazy. Sharon drove me back to Stamford and we had dinner. I took her on a piss-poor tour of the town and we finished up in The George and enjoyed some tea in the company of a ginger cat named Harry. (Harry was named after the hotel gardener and not Prince Harry as we had supposed.)

I am happy.

Some Advice I Once Got from My Dad...

(I am in the library. Why, in the name of all things holy and sacred, are library computers always so painfully slow?)

When I was about 12, I had a cat named Comet (this was 1986 and Haley's Comet was the Big Thing of the year). I got Comet out of the SPCA as a kitten. I saved up my pocket money and it wasn't much, but I donated all of it in order to have her.

She was a great little kitty. Black and white markings, crazy with such a lovely character and enthusiastic spirit. I only had her six months before she was knocked down by a car.

I was so devastated that she was dead. I remember crying bucket loads. It was winter time and I was sat in my pyjamas in front of the heater in my parents' room sobbing - and this was days after her death still. My dad came into the room (my mother may have sent him, though I am not sure) and asked me what was wrong.

"Daddy, I miss Comet. I loved her so much and now she is gone and I will never be happy ever again," I said between sobs and gasps for breath.

My Dad hugged me and gave me this advice: "You will be happy again, my hartjie. You'll see, in time you will be happy again. It will just take some time."

And time really is a healer, as cliched as that sounds. Time, and space. My Dad was right. In the Spring of that year, my cousin Lindsay's cat had kittens and amongst them was the pitch black little pixie I came to know and love as Nermal.

I have taken a lover.

After a week of emailling, I met S this past weekend. She's a lovely woman - warm smile, nice eyes. Spent a weekend at Auntie Liz's cottage with her and went for a walk through the village and up through the field. Enjoyed a quiet and romantic dinner and a very lovely evening.

Seeing her again this weekend and will enjoy her company once more.

It's been a rare and wonderful time, for which I am so grateful to the Universe for blessing me with.





4 weeks and 4 days...

Weekend

Well this weekend has been interesting. Interesting and strange.

The Week That Was... and Now My Brain HURTS

I have a headache. Not the worst headache I've ever had, but still, a headache. It comes out of my shoulder and it's too late now to take the SupaMegaPainkilling Medicine that usually kills the shoulder-neck-headache trinity of pain. Arse.

This Week, I Have:

1. Vomited my rage out in an uncharacteristic fit of anger

2. Been pleasantly distracted by a lady who appeared unexpectedly on my radar

3. Done some serious soul searching

4. Performed a Buddhist apology (san gai - is that how you spell it, Si?)

5. Said goodbye to my creative writing students

And now, exhausted, I am going to be tramping upstairs in order to soak my weary body and pounding head in a hot bath. With BUBBLES.

Rehoming

I got home from work yesterday and discovered that Kate hadn't left for London as she had planned. The problem? She was meant to take Mischa back to London with her and couldn't get her into the travel cage. I wasn't prepared for a) seeing Kate and b) seeing Mischa (as I'd said my goodbyes yesterday morning.)

Half an hour after we finally Mischa into the cage and Kate had headed for the A1, my student Polly came over to collect Noodle. My two precious girls (Mischa and Noodle) are now in new homes and the house feels weird without them. I still have Luce and Tink and Zak, but not for long.

Helen, a fellow Buddhist, came round to chant last night, which made everything feel a lot better. There have been so many goodbyes this year and still some more to come, but right now I am focussing on rebuilding my life successfully. The chanting helped to reinforce that.

Lucifer and Tinkie will go back to London with Kate next Thursday and Zak will move in with our neighbour, Janet. That's all cats rehomed.

I've booked and paid for my ticket back to SA. I leave on 14 July, a new moon for new beginnings.

Tomorrow I move my stuff in to my friend Lin's house, which will be one of the places I'll be staying during June. I'll also stay a few nights at Auntie Liz's place to take the pressure off Lin and to have privacy when I need it. I'll be nipping back into the cottage during the week and weekends to clean up where I can, which I hope will be over and done with relatively quickly.

Kate comes back on Sunday night and Monday we'll spend the day going through one of the big storage cupboards and dumping a whole bunch of junk. Right now it's a process of space clearing and practical tasks.

Life is too short for bullshit.