Before 40...
So here I am, officially 37 years old as of yesterday. Officially I have 3 years to go before 40. I have started on a list of stuff I want to do before I reach 40. Here's the list with a bit of extra info
1. I want to grow my hair down to my butt.
I haven't had hair that long since I was 14. At the moment, my scalp is a mess and when my hair gets long, there's a lot of flaking and I get sores on my head. I figure with proper nutrition and care, I can get my hair healthy enough to make it right down to my butt.
2. Get really fit and healthy.
I weigh in at 107 kgs. My BMI is 42 and if I don't sort my health out now, I'll end up with adult onset diabetes. Already my body is having some issues with insulin. If I want to live a long and productive life, then I cannot play around. I have at least 30 kilos to lose. Thanks to chiropractic care I have a nervous system that's functioning better than it has in years, but what good is a fabulous nervous system if I have such kak nutrition? Time to make that change.
3. Learn to Tango.
Because I have always wanted to. Because I love tango music. Because I love watching people tango and it looks beautiful and graceful.
4. Go on a meditation or yoga retreat.
Because you have to do some nourishment for the spirit too.
5. Make things right between me and my sister.
I love my sister. I miss having the close relationship we once had. I miss that we used to talk and enjoy each other's company. And because sometimes we let stupid shit get in the way of enjoying a great relationship with a person you're related to, especially because this life is the chance we get to sort things out so that we don't have to do it in the next one.
I am sure that I'll add stuff to the list. I can think of a few things right now. If I add to the list, I will update the blog.
Yesterday was my birthday. Not just a birthday. A REBIRTHday.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
It seems that life follows a certain pattern. There was a time in my life when everyone was getting married. There were weddings to attend every couple of months. Then people started having babies. Some couples split, others didn’t. And in between all this, some people died. Now, it seems, that there are more people dying.
My uncle, Geoff, died yesterday while undergoing an operation. I didn’t know Geoff that well, we were never close and I feel for my cousins and my aunt who have to go through this.
In May this year, I attended the memorial service held for a friend named Hiro, who I knew through the SGI. He died of pneumonia in Japan.
I believe in reincarnation, but that still doesn’t take away grief. Grief, I have learned, is a process that is ongoing. We grieve for ourselves. When I spoke to my aunt yesterday, I realize how great the void is in those left behind.
I know that Uncle Geoff was unwell for quite a long time. I also know from my cousins that he was talking about being too tired to carry on and that he wanted to go “home, to my mountain.” For Geoff, dying was something he wanted. For his family, having him around was what they wanted.
It brings to mind my father’s passing. He too was ill for a long time. My thoughts have remained unchanged: even though it’s sad that Dad’s not here and I miss him, I know that he is no longer in pain. In fact, it hurt more to see him weak and in pain than the grief of losing him. At the time of his death, though, the shock of losing him was too strong to see it that way.
Goodbye, Uncle Geoff. Rest well.
My uncle, Geoff, died yesterday while undergoing an operation. I didn’t know Geoff that well, we were never close and I feel for my cousins and my aunt who have to go through this.
In May this year, I attended the memorial service held for a friend named Hiro, who I knew through the SGI. He died of pneumonia in Japan.
I believe in reincarnation, but that still doesn’t take away grief. Grief, I have learned, is a process that is ongoing. We grieve for ourselves. When I spoke to my aunt yesterday, I realize how great the void is in those left behind.
I know that Uncle Geoff was unwell for quite a long time. I also know from my cousins that he was talking about being too tired to carry on and that he wanted to go “home, to my mountain.” For Geoff, dying was something he wanted. For his family, having him around was what they wanted.
It brings to mind my father’s passing. He too was ill for a long time. My thoughts have remained unchanged: even though it’s sad that Dad’s not here and I miss him, I know that he is no longer in pain. In fact, it hurt more to see him weak and in pain than the grief of losing him. At the time of his death, though, the shock of losing him was too strong to see it that way.
Goodbye, Uncle Geoff. Rest well.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Why I Have Left the SGI
(and started my own religion)
The SGI (Soka Gakkai International) is the lay organization for the Buddhism of Nichiren Daishonen. I started practicing this Buddhism in 2004 and received my Gohonzon (a holy scroll that represents your life) in 2005.
Initially, I believed I had found where I belonged, but gradually, and especially since coming to SA and joining SGI SA, I realised that the organisation ain't really that organised. I began to grow very disillusioned with the organization altogether, and several events culminated and allowed me to make the decision to break ties completely.
I am not faulting the practice of Buddhism – Nichiren Daishonen’s or anyone else’s. It’s not the practice of Buddhism I have left behind: it’s the SGI.
In points, and no particular order, here are my reasons:
For a practice that is supposed to be about tolerance, I have seen a great deal of judgement delivered. One of the Buddhists in SGI-SA is also a Sangoma (witch doctor). He was brave enough to get up and tell everyone how chanting had enhanced his work as a Sangoma. Later, two leaders of the SGI were whispering about how taken aback they were about this guy being so open. According to them, he should not have even mentioned it. I was asked to write an article about this guy for the fledgling Buddhist magazine and was instructed by one of the same leaders, quite strictly, not to mention the “Sangoma thing”. This same person, when I mentioned I was a healer, asked if I had permission (!!!!) from the SGI to do that, as she knew about a woman in the UK who worked with crystals who had to get permission from SGI-UK to do so. Hmm. The organization likes to talk about “absolute freedom”, but clearly it doesn’t live it. I see auras, communicate with the dead, channel paintings and do Reiki healing. I could see myself heading the same way as the Buddhist-Sangoma.
I am openly gay and while I didn’t encounter any homophobia with the UK groups, I have in South Africa. I was waiting in line for a cup of tea at the end of a meeting, chatting to one of the ladies behind me. She was bemoaning the fact that she just couldn’t find the right man. I joked that perhaps she should be looking for the right woman. We both cracked up and laughed about this. The man in front of us, also a leader in the SGI, turned around and with venom spat out: “You people with your agendas. You come in and take our women from us. What’s the matter with you? Why can’t you just leave our women alone? Why do you always have to push your agenda in everyone’s faces?” He looked so angry, I was certain he would have hit me, if he had the chance. His tirade went on, saying pretty much the same thing in several different ways. Not cool. Another member in Singapore has told me that because she was gay, she was being ostracized by her family – all of whom are practicing Nichiren Buddhists with the SGI.
The SGI discourages investigation into other schools of Buddhism. Nichiren Buddhism is promoted as the ONLY path. So is Christianity.I like to think for myself and explore. If people are telling me not to look into other schools of Buddhism, I want to know why, and telling me that “those schools are wrong” isn’t a good enough reason. The SGI also discourages silent meditation. Again, the ONLY path is to chant. Stuff that – I have gained a lot of insight from silent meditation as well as chanting.
The SGI is infatuated with its lay leader, Daisaku Ikeda. Maybe I just didn’t get the lesson of mentor/disciple, but from working with Demartini’s Quantum Collapse Process, I know that I am no greater or lesser than another person. Yes, he has written great works and is a great leader, however, I am not going to view him as some kind of Buddhist Jesus. Nichiren’s Buddhism tells us we are ALL Buddhas. We all have Buddhahood. Then this man is no more enlightened than anyone else – we are both Buddhas.
Talking about everyone being Buddhas… We are told we are all Buddhas, but when we begin to think for ourselves and move away from the SGI, investigate other faiths and practices or meditate silently, you are labeled arrogant and ignorant.
I engaged in SGI activities. When my schedule no longer permitted me to be as involved, I was given a series of phone calls and emails, bordering on guilt trips in order to get me to come back. The organization didn’t like NO as an answer. Even after leaving, I have been pursued with a cult-like enthusiasm to return.
Finally, I don’t need to have permission to do what I do, nor is it necessary to apologise for who I am. No one has the right to tell me how my spiritual life should be structured or what I must believe.
So I have started my own religion. I call it Hectic Eclectic and I embrace all things and nothing. In fact, I do a lot of embracing. I’ve named myself the Huru Guru and I am basking in my own glory.
I am much happier calling my own shots.
(and started my own religion)
The SGI (Soka Gakkai International) is the lay organization for the Buddhism of Nichiren Daishonen. I started practicing this Buddhism in 2004 and received my Gohonzon (a holy scroll that represents your life) in 2005.
Initially, I believed I had found where I belonged, but gradually, and especially since coming to SA and joining SGI SA, I realised that the organisation ain't really that organised. I began to grow very disillusioned with the organization altogether, and several events culminated and allowed me to make the decision to break ties completely.
I am not faulting the practice of Buddhism – Nichiren Daishonen’s or anyone else’s. It’s not the practice of Buddhism I have left behind: it’s the SGI.
In points, and no particular order, here are my reasons:
For a practice that is supposed to be about tolerance, I have seen a great deal of judgement delivered. One of the Buddhists in SGI-SA is also a Sangoma (witch doctor). He was brave enough to get up and tell everyone how chanting had enhanced his work as a Sangoma. Later, two leaders of the SGI were whispering about how taken aback they were about this guy being so open. According to them, he should not have even mentioned it. I was asked to write an article about this guy for the fledgling Buddhist magazine and was instructed by one of the same leaders, quite strictly, not to mention the “Sangoma thing”. This same person, when I mentioned I was a healer, asked if I had permission (!!!!) from the SGI to do that, as she knew about a woman in the UK who worked with crystals who had to get permission from SGI-UK to do so. Hmm. The organization likes to talk about “absolute freedom”, but clearly it doesn’t live it. I see auras, communicate with the dead, channel paintings and do Reiki healing. I could see myself heading the same way as the Buddhist-Sangoma.
I am openly gay and while I didn’t encounter any homophobia with the UK groups, I have in South Africa. I was waiting in line for a cup of tea at the end of a meeting, chatting to one of the ladies behind me. She was bemoaning the fact that she just couldn’t find the right man. I joked that perhaps she should be looking for the right woman. We both cracked up and laughed about this. The man in front of us, also a leader in the SGI, turned around and with venom spat out: “You people with your agendas. You come in and take our women from us. What’s the matter with you? Why can’t you just leave our women alone? Why do you always have to push your agenda in everyone’s faces?” He looked so angry, I was certain he would have hit me, if he had the chance. His tirade went on, saying pretty much the same thing in several different ways. Not cool. Another member in Singapore has told me that because she was gay, she was being ostracized by her family – all of whom are practicing Nichiren Buddhists with the SGI.
The SGI discourages investigation into other schools of Buddhism. Nichiren Buddhism is promoted as the ONLY path. So is Christianity.I like to think for myself and explore. If people are telling me not to look into other schools of Buddhism, I want to know why, and telling me that “those schools are wrong” isn’t a good enough reason. The SGI also discourages silent meditation. Again, the ONLY path is to chant. Stuff that – I have gained a lot of insight from silent meditation as well as chanting.
The SGI is infatuated with its lay leader, Daisaku Ikeda. Maybe I just didn’t get the lesson of mentor/disciple, but from working with Demartini’s Quantum Collapse Process, I know that I am no greater or lesser than another person. Yes, he has written great works and is a great leader, however, I am not going to view him as some kind of Buddhist Jesus. Nichiren’s Buddhism tells us we are ALL Buddhas. We all have Buddhahood. Then this man is no more enlightened than anyone else – we are both Buddhas.
Talking about everyone being Buddhas… We are told we are all Buddhas, but when we begin to think for ourselves and move away from the SGI, investigate other faiths and practices or meditate silently, you are labeled arrogant and ignorant.
I engaged in SGI activities. When my schedule no longer permitted me to be as involved, I was given a series of phone calls and emails, bordering on guilt trips in order to get me to come back. The organization didn’t like NO as an answer. Even after leaving, I have been pursued with a cult-like enthusiasm to return.
Finally, I don’t need to have permission to do what I do, nor is it necessary to apologise for who I am. No one has the right to tell me how my spiritual life should be structured or what I must believe.
So I have started my own religion. I call it Hectic Eclectic and I embrace all things and nothing. In fact, I do a lot of embracing. I’ve named myself the Huru Guru and I am basking in my own glory.
I am much happier calling my own shots.
Monday, December 01, 2008
… Finally, After 7 Months.
Sheesh. No blog for seven months? Really? The time has flown. I cannot believe it’s been that long. Now that I have a little borrowed internet access for the month of December, I am finally able to do a little update.
It’s been a year and four months since my return to South Africa. I feel settled now. Settled, acclimatised and accustomed to the fact that getting things done out here takes a bit longer than it did in the UK.
I’ve watched the jacarandas bloom. Been here for the birth of two babies. Offered my shoulder to my cousin when she split from her boyfriend and shared drinks with her when they got back together. This stuff – the grit of life – this is what I missed while I was away.
What a year so far. I did not choose a relaxing and uneventful life this time around. While I knew Madelein for a little while, we started dating in February. By June, after a whirlwind romance, we got married at the Department of Home Affairs. We were planning a spiritual ceremony for early next year, but finances have forced us to put that on hold. I am so blessed to be living in a country where one’s sexual orientation is protected by the constitution.
In July I moved out of my sister’s house, into our own little garden flat. This weekend just gone, we moved all the way back into my sister’s house. She’s off to work in Middelburg for two years and preferred to rent the family house out to… well… family.
My cousin Jackie and her husband David are expecting their first child and about a month ago, they immigrated to Australia. It was a blessing to get the chance to get to know her, because the last time I saw her she was ten years old. So weird coming back and she’s a young woman.
Painted a grand total of six paintings so far. Not done much else creatively. Bit of a novel. Bit of a short story. Couple of poems.
I’ve seen an Egyptian Sun Healer and I’ve left the practice of Nichiren Buddhism as promoted by Soka Gakkai International. I am slowly coming out of a spiritual crisis that began in late July.
I’ve lost a total of four kilograms, with more on the way. I feel renewed. This is home, and this is where my energy began. While I miss the friends I left behind in the UK, I am glad to be around the friends and family I have here.
In the universe there is always balance.
Sheesh. No blog for seven months? Really? The time has flown. I cannot believe it’s been that long. Now that I have a little borrowed internet access for the month of December, I am finally able to do a little update.
It’s been a year and four months since my return to South Africa. I feel settled now. Settled, acclimatised and accustomed to the fact that getting things done out here takes a bit longer than it did in the UK.
I’ve watched the jacarandas bloom. Been here for the birth of two babies. Offered my shoulder to my cousin when she split from her boyfriend and shared drinks with her when they got back together. This stuff – the grit of life – this is what I missed while I was away.
What a year so far. I did not choose a relaxing and uneventful life this time around. While I knew Madelein for a little while, we started dating in February. By June, after a whirlwind romance, we got married at the Department of Home Affairs. We were planning a spiritual ceremony for early next year, but finances have forced us to put that on hold. I am so blessed to be living in a country where one’s sexual orientation is protected by the constitution.
In July I moved out of my sister’s house, into our own little garden flat. This weekend just gone, we moved all the way back into my sister’s house. She’s off to work in Middelburg for two years and preferred to rent the family house out to… well… family.
My cousin Jackie and her husband David are expecting their first child and about a month ago, they immigrated to Australia. It was a blessing to get the chance to get to know her, because the last time I saw her she was ten years old. So weird coming back and she’s a young woman.
Painted a grand total of six paintings so far. Not done much else creatively. Bit of a novel. Bit of a short story. Couple of poems.
I’ve seen an Egyptian Sun Healer and I’ve left the practice of Nichiren Buddhism as promoted by Soka Gakkai International. I am slowly coming out of a spiritual crisis that began in late July.
I’ve lost a total of four kilograms, with more on the way. I feel renewed. This is home, and this is where my energy began. While I miss the friends I left behind in the UK, I am glad to be around the friends and family I have here.
In the universe there is always balance.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
NEWS
Here I am again after a long absence.
I am still enjoying my job enormously and am having a lot of fun at work. So much to do, but nothing I can't handle and I love learning more about chiropractic.
I am getting a visit with a psychic named Rahotep for my birthday present in May and I am so looking forward to it. My sister and cousin Linsay have both gone to see him and have reported that he is accurate and good. So now it is my turn!
I have recently met a lovely lady named Madelein. We've been dating for a little bit and it's going very well. This after being adament that I don't want relationships, commitments or anything else. It has raised several issues regarding my relationship karma, but people are mirrors and I am facing myself and actively participating in my human revolution.
It has only recently struck me that Iam back here in theUK. I went along to see the Rocky Horror show with Dori and I realised that had I still been in theUK I would have felt really sad that I could not enjoy things like that with my friends. Now I can see my SA friends whenever I want.
I miss the people I left behind in the UK. It's a process, this letting go and moving on thing. It's all good.
Here I am again after a long absence.
I am still enjoying my job enormously and am having a lot of fun at work. So much to do, but nothing I can't handle and I love learning more about chiropractic.
I am getting a visit with a psychic named Rahotep for my birthday present in May and I am so looking forward to it. My sister and cousin Linsay have both gone to see him and have reported that he is accurate and good. So now it is my turn!
I have recently met a lovely lady named Madelein. We've been dating for a little bit and it's going very well. This after being adament that I don't want relationships, commitments or anything else. It has raised several issues regarding my relationship karma, but people are mirrors and I am facing myself and actively participating in my human revolution.
It has only recently struck me that Iam back here in theUK. I went along to see the Rocky Horror show with Dori and I realised that had I still been in theUK I would have felt really sad that I could not enjoy things like that with my friends. Now I can see my SA friends whenever I want.
I miss the people I left behind in the UK. It's a process, this letting go and moving on thing. It's all good.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
2007 in Review/2008 Year Ahead
I am shamelessly copying *(Asterisk) with his 2007 review. Let's do a quick round up of 7 things that happened last year:
1. Dad moved on into the spirit world in January.
2. Was made redundant and then my relationship ended
3. Attended a LOT of Buddhist meetings and did a LOT of chanting
4. Met Sharon
5. Packed my life up and moved back to South Africa
6. Found a job with a chiropractor and did a few freelance writing jobs
7. Started painting again
2008 - The Year Ahead
I reckon I am going to have a busy year this year. There are several things I would like to accomplish by the time the year is over. Here are 7 things I aim to achieve in 2008:
1. Continue to build my life out here, working towards getting my own car and my own home
2. Go down to Cape Town to visit Joe and Vianne for a weekend
3. Sell 3 paintings
4. Make a daily, committed effort to seeing the Buddha light in everyone I come across
5. Re-establish and regularly update a NEW Dangerdykes and the already existing Jesus
6. Take a break by myself down at a Buddhist retreat in KwaZulu-Natal
7. Grow in my understanding of my sister's pagan practices
And there are quite a few more things in there besides all that. Year of action.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
A Buddhist, A Witch and a Hippy Walk Into a Catholic Church…
Sounds like the start of some cheesy joke, but this is exactly what will be happening on Friday evening at 6pm. Sherine, Greg, Linsay and I will be attending Mass at Maryvale Catholic Church.
Yes. Mass.
Because my father died this year, we have been invited to come to Mass to remember him and maybe light a few candles. Even though I can very skillfully recite my way through Mass even now, I am not going to be a hypocrite and mouth the words along with everyone else. The standing and the sitting is fine. I draw the line at kneeling, genuflecting and doing the sign of the cross.
My father wasn’t even Catholic. My mother was, and he insisted he wanted the same ceremony in the same church as she had. We are going to honour him, remember him and celebrate his life. Well, that’s what I am going for. And maybe to light a candle because I still get tickled by the pagan-ness of lighting candles in a Catholic church!
Sounds like the start of some cheesy joke, but this is exactly what will be happening on Friday evening at 6pm. Sherine, Greg, Linsay and I will be attending Mass at Maryvale Catholic Church.
Yes. Mass.
Because my father died this year, we have been invited to come to Mass to remember him and maybe light a few candles. Even though I can very skillfully recite my way through Mass even now, I am not going to be a hypocrite and mouth the words along with everyone else. The standing and the sitting is fine. I draw the line at kneeling, genuflecting and doing the sign of the cross.
My father wasn’t even Catholic. My mother was, and he insisted he wanted the same ceremony in the same church as she had. We are going to honour him, remember him and celebrate his life. Well, that’s what I am going for. And maybe to light a candle because I still get tickled by the pagan-ness of lighting candles in a Catholic church!
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Boddhisattva Never Disparaging
I have had a little… difficulty, shall we say… with sharing a home with my sister and her family, recently. I have been determining to change my relationship karma, to let go of my need for abusive relationships, and not surprisingly, this has kicked up some karmic dust. Difficult relationships have become a little more difficult and my first reaction is to run and hide away in my room.
Relationships are mirrors. What is becoming clear to me now is that transforming this karma is not so much about how other people treat me, it’s a lot more to do with how I treat myself and others.
I found this passage on Boddhisattva Never Disparaging on the SGI USA website:
“There is a fundamental oneness of self and others. Therefore when Bodhisattva Never Disparaging made his bow of obeisance to the four groups of people, the Buddha nature inherent in the lives of the four groups of arrogant people bowed toward Bodhisattva Never Disparaging. This is the same as how when one bows facing a mirror, the reflected image bows back” (GZ, 769).
I’ve resisted looking at some people’s Buddha nature. I figured how can someone that mean or nasty have Buddha nature? I realise now that they DO have Buddha nature, they are just not aware of it. By refusing to see the Buddha nature in those people, I am refusing to see the Buddha nature in me, and thus, slandering the Mystic Law.
I have had a little… difficulty, shall we say… with sharing a home with my sister and her family, recently. I have been determining to change my relationship karma, to let go of my need for abusive relationships, and not surprisingly, this has kicked up some karmic dust. Difficult relationships have become a little more difficult and my first reaction is to run and hide away in my room.
Relationships are mirrors. What is becoming clear to me now is that transforming this karma is not so much about how other people treat me, it’s a lot more to do with how I treat myself and others.
I found this passage on Boddhisattva Never Disparaging on the SGI USA website:
“There is a fundamental oneness of self and others. Therefore when Bodhisattva Never Disparaging made his bow of obeisance to the four groups of people, the Buddha nature inherent in the lives of the four groups of arrogant people bowed toward Bodhisattva Never Disparaging. This is the same as how when one bows facing a mirror, the reflected image bows back” (GZ, 769).
I’ve resisted looking at some people’s Buddha nature. I figured how can someone that mean or nasty have Buddha nature? I realise now that they DO have Buddha nature, they are just not aware of it. By refusing to see the Buddha nature in those people, I am refusing to see the Buddha nature in me, and thus, slandering the Mystic Law.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
I Bless The Rain Down in Africa...
There is a different quality to the rain in Africa. Especially out here in the Highveld, with the dramatic thunderstorms we get.
I missed these storms. I missed the scent of the earth after a downpour and the freshness of the air. I've missed the dark thunderheads that hang low in the sky and the electric morse code they send out. I missed the crashes and booms and then... the rain. The fat drops, the sheets of rain. Rain that could only be appreciated in Africa.
No. Rain is not the same wherever you go. Here in Africa, the rain is as wild as the land.
There is a different quality to the rain in Africa. Especially out here in the Highveld, with the dramatic thunderstorms we get.
I missed these storms. I missed the scent of the earth after a downpour and the freshness of the air. I've missed the dark thunderheads that hang low in the sky and the electric morse code they send out. I missed the crashes and booms and then... the rain. The fat drops, the sheets of rain. Rain that could only be appreciated in Africa.
No. Rain is not the same wherever you go. Here in Africa, the rain is as wild as the land.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
I Am One With The Universe... I Am One With Me....
(and an update)
Yes, 'tis I... Tanya. Blogging. Again. After almost a month's absence, I have returned to the blogosphere. A crappy, slow connection and pay-as-you-go Internet have forced me away from the computer and my emails and my blogging. Restricting a Gemini's ability to communicate is tantamount to torture.
The big news, so far, is that I have fallen in love. That's right. I have fallen in LOVE. With ME.
I have realised that if I want to transform my relationship karma, then I have to change my relationships with everyone I know and that includes my relationship with myself. So, after a time of searching deep into the heart of me, I decided that now is the time to transform all the crap and start seeing my glowing and beautiful Buddha nature. The added bonus is that since doing this, I can appreciate the Buddha nature in others too. Win-win.
I have also realised that since coming back to South Africa I have spent a lot of time going to Buddhist meetings and a lot less time hanging out with friends. So, now I am making a committed effort to spending more time with friends.
In other news, I am loving my new job as a chiropractor's assistant. I enjoy working for the man so much I would happily do it for free. I look forward to each working day and I feel valued and I feel I am contributing in a deep and useful way.
I bought some canvasses with my pay cheque. The guy at the shop gave me two extra canvasses for free - they had little tears in them. I started painting a mega canvas for my sister's Christmas present. The Goddess Hecate. It's really beautiful and as I work on it it feels as though I am channeling. Added to that, there is a long line of deities queuing up to have their portrait painted by me. Bast is next, followed by Freya, then Gaia and the Green Man. Yup. a Buddhist who paints channeled portraits of pagan deities! He he
Recently spent some time with my good buddy Joe. I am hoping, finances permitting, to go down to Cape Town for a short visit in February.
I am so happy, so peaceful and so settled now. Coming back to SA is the best ever move I could have made. Yes, I miss my privacy and I miss my friends in the UK, but I am also so grateful to be HOME.
(and an update)
Yes, 'tis I... Tanya. Blogging. Again. After almost a month's absence, I have returned to the blogosphere. A crappy, slow connection and pay-as-you-go Internet have forced me away from the computer and my emails and my blogging. Restricting a Gemini's ability to communicate is tantamount to torture.
The big news, so far, is that I have fallen in love. That's right. I have fallen in LOVE. With ME.
I have realised that if I want to transform my relationship karma, then I have to change my relationships with everyone I know and that includes my relationship with myself. So, after a time of searching deep into the heart of me, I decided that now is the time to transform all the crap and start seeing my glowing and beautiful Buddha nature. The added bonus is that since doing this, I can appreciate the Buddha nature in others too. Win-win.
I have also realised that since coming back to South Africa I have spent a lot of time going to Buddhist meetings and a lot less time hanging out with friends. So, now I am making a committed effort to spending more time with friends.
In other news, I am loving my new job as a chiropractor's assistant. I enjoy working for the man so much I would happily do it for free. I look forward to each working day and I feel valued and I feel I am contributing in a deep and useful way.
I bought some canvasses with my pay cheque. The guy at the shop gave me two extra canvasses for free - they had little tears in them. I started painting a mega canvas for my sister's Christmas present. The Goddess Hecate. It's really beautiful and as I work on it it feels as though I am channeling. Added to that, there is a long line of deities queuing up to have their portrait painted by me. Bast is next, followed by Freya, then Gaia and the Green Man. Yup. a Buddhist who paints channeled portraits of pagan deities! He he
Recently spent some time with my good buddy Joe. I am hoping, finances permitting, to go down to Cape Town for a short visit in February.
I am so happy, so peaceful and so settled now. Coming back to SA is the best ever move I could have made. Yes, I miss my privacy and I miss my friends in the UK, but I am also so grateful to be HOME.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Gratitude
At the beginning of this year, I did not imagine that I would be packing up my life in the UK to move back to South Africa. My plans were, instead, to continue teaching creative writing, getting more freelance work in. I did not foresee that just four months into the year, everything would be changed, and so dramatically too. Even then, when it all happened, I still considered my options in the UK.
I began 2007 with the conviction that I was going to make my life more positive, that I was going to create value. Well, the universe certainly ensured that, though not quite in the way I had anticipated.
I woke up this morning with a very profound sense of gratitude for my life and for everything that has happened to bring me here, to bring me home. I am grateful to everyone and everything that has happened to bring me here. More than that, since all this happened, so many people extended themselves to help me first of all to make this move, and then, when I got here, to make this transition in SA as smooth as possible.
So, I would like to thank the following people from the deepest part of my life:
Daddy, for continuing to teach me the value of life, even in his passing
Martin, for making me redundant and giving me a severance package, which he didn’t have to, that allowed me to buy my ticket
Kate, for being brave enough to end our relationship and give me my freedom
Lin, Lizzie and Sharon for giving me a home, even for a brief time, for the meals you cooked for me and the support and encouragement you lent me
Simon H, Jen and May for sharing their wisdom with me on 4th May and helping to realize my own potential
Sharon for showing me a new way to love and for the best 6 weeks of the year so far
Simon W, Julie, Erika and Mark for your love, friendship and support through a difficult period of my life
Sherine, Greg and Liam for giving me a home and too many other things that I cannot even begin to count
Chris and Liz C for your support via email
All my friends in SA: Joe, Dori and Justin, Tracy and Jane, Gav, Kerry, Timmee, Dimmy, Lisa and Linsay. Thank you for the dinners, the phone calls, the support, the work you’ve sent my way
Peterborough District of SGI for your support and Daimoku and The Great Lions District in Johannesburg for the opportunity to advance my life and develop my potential
And to my blog friends: (asterisk)*, Red, Karen, Healing Room and anyone else for your encouragement and comments
Thank you.
At the beginning of this year, I did not imagine that I would be packing up my life in the UK to move back to South Africa. My plans were, instead, to continue teaching creative writing, getting more freelance work in. I did not foresee that just four months into the year, everything would be changed, and so dramatically too. Even then, when it all happened, I still considered my options in the UK.
I began 2007 with the conviction that I was going to make my life more positive, that I was going to create value. Well, the universe certainly ensured that, though not quite in the way I had anticipated.
I woke up this morning with a very profound sense of gratitude for my life and for everything that has happened to bring me here, to bring me home. I am grateful to everyone and everything that has happened to bring me here. More than that, since all this happened, so many people extended themselves to help me first of all to make this move, and then, when I got here, to make this transition in SA as smooth as possible.
So, I would like to thank the following people from the deepest part of my life:
Daddy, for continuing to teach me the value of life, even in his passing
Martin, for making me redundant and giving me a severance package, which he didn’t have to, that allowed me to buy my ticket
Kate, for being brave enough to end our relationship and give me my freedom
Lin, Lizzie and Sharon for giving me a home, even for a brief time, for the meals you cooked for me and the support and encouragement you lent me
Simon H, Jen and May for sharing their wisdom with me on 4th May and helping to realize my own potential
Sharon for showing me a new way to love and for the best 6 weeks of the year so far
Simon W, Julie, Erika and Mark for your love, friendship and support through a difficult period of my life
Sherine, Greg and Liam for giving me a home and too many other things that I cannot even begin to count
Chris and Liz C for your support via email
All my friends in SA: Joe, Dori and Justin, Tracy and Jane, Gav, Kerry, Timmee, Dimmy, Lisa and Linsay. Thank you for the dinners, the phone calls, the support, the work you’ve sent my way
Peterborough District of SGI for your support and Daimoku and The Great Lions District in Johannesburg for the opportunity to advance my life and develop my potential
And to my blog friends: (asterisk)*, Red, Karen, Healing Room and anyone else for your encouragement and comments
Thank you.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
I, Servant of Fang
Fang is a six month old tabby and white kitten. I have been chosen to be his primary servant here at La Casa O-C.
With regard to naughtiness, Fang is in a league of his own, regularly disappearing with my sister’s cellphone or trying to quite literally grab the food off our plates. I have wrestled a piece of chicken and a lamb chop from his grubby little paws.
He thinks nothing of using his humans as step ladders, drawing blood as he makes his way from knee to shoulder. Little bastard. My back is covered in scratch marks and I’m not talking about the fun kind. Once on my shoulder, he elects to stay there, even when I stand up to walk around. Most disconcerting, since he refuses to move from his perch even when I have to make the necessary visits to the bathroom.
He’s also remarkably affectionate. At night he purrs around me in great big circles, trying to find the comfiest spot to lie down. While on his circuit of my blankets and me, he stops several times to lick me on the nose with his rough little tongue, or purr noisily while trying to nibble my ear. Or he chews on my pajama top. And in the morning he resorts to batting my cheek with his paw. If that doesn’t work, he tries biting my cheek. Or my nose. Little bastard.
He isn’t a cat that meows. Instead, he emits a high-pitched squeak. He’s singed his eyebrow whiskers by straying too close to a candle. He regularly chases after the other (larger) cats in the house. I no longer deem the water I leave beside my bed as safe to drink because he likes to stick his face in and drink from the glass. Doesn’t matter that he has a bowl of clean water in the kitchen.
Right now he is resting on my hand bag at my feet, in a very convenient patch of sun, warming himself. Like this, it’s hard to imagine he’s a little terror. I bet he’s gathering his energy so that he can bite my toes under the covers tonight.
Fang is a six month old tabby and white kitten. I have been chosen to be his primary servant here at La Casa O-C.
With regard to naughtiness, Fang is in a league of his own, regularly disappearing with my sister’s cellphone or trying to quite literally grab the food off our plates. I have wrestled a piece of chicken and a lamb chop from his grubby little paws.
He thinks nothing of using his humans as step ladders, drawing blood as he makes his way from knee to shoulder. Little bastard. My back is covered in scratch marks and I’m not talking about the fun kind. Once on my shoulder, he elects to stay there, even when I stand up to walk around. Most disconcerting, since he refuses to move from his perch even when I have to make the necessary visits to the bathroom.
He’s also remarkably affectionate. At night he purrs around me in great big circles, trying to find the comfiest spot to lie down. While on his circuit of my blankets and me, he stops several times to lick me on the nose with his rough little tongue, or purr noisily while trying to nibble my ear. Or he chews on my pajama top. And in the morning he resorts to batting my cheek with his paw. If that doesn’t work, he tries biting my cheek. Or my nose. Little bastard.
He isn’t a cat that meows. Instead, he emits a high-pitched squeak. He’s singed his eyebrow whiskers by straying too close to a candle. He regularly chases after the other (larger) cats in the house. I no longer deem the water I leave beside my bed as safe to drink because he likes to stick his face in and drink from the glass. Doesn’t matter that he has a bowl of clean water in the kitchen.
Right now he is resting on my hand bag at my feet, in a very convenient patch of sun, warming himself. Like this, it’s hard to imagine he’s a little terror. I bet he’s gathering his energy so that he can bite my toes under the covers tonight.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
I am HOME.
For about 5 years now I have wanted to make a final trip back to good ole Jozi. Back to my family. Now here I am. And I must confess it does feel a little weird. I feel like a foreigner in my own country.
Arrived on time on Sunday morning, having slept for just one hour on an 11 hour flight. I was completely exhausted. I spent most of yesterday tidying and getting my room organised. La Camera della Lesbica. Indeed. (Karen will be most pleased to hear that I did this while dancing around to Tom Jones). I phoned the Johannesburg Buddhists and I am off to my first meeting on Thursday night.
It will take me a while to adjust. I am doing some temp work, helping my sister out at her canteen until the end of the week. Pocket money is always welcome. Next week I take care of the admin stuff with a trip to the SA passport office, the bank and the Italian Consulate.
What thrills me the most is that I am here for the birth of my friend Dori's first baby. Over the years I have missed out on so many important occasions, and now this is the first event I will be here for to lend support and to celebrate. In person!
I miss Sharon and the magical time we spent together.
I miss my cats, but now I have some new ones. My sister has 5 cats so it's not so bad. Fang, the kitten, made a point of sleeping on my head, my neck and my face last night. I woke up gasping for breath to find that I had a kitten balanced across my chin.
It's all new and a little overwhelming, but I am looking forward to this new life that lays ahead. And who knows? Perhaps I can convince Sharon to visit SA along with all my other UK and US friends.
For about 5 years now I have wanted to make a final trip back to good ole Jozi. Back to my family. Now here I am. And I must confess it does feel a little weird. I feel like a foreigner in my own country.
Arrived on time on Sunday morning, having slept for just one hour on an 11 hour flight. I was completely exhausted. I spent most of yesterday tidying and getting my room organised. La Camera della Lesbica. Indeed. (Karen will be most pleased to hear that I did this while dancing around to Tom Jones). I phoned the Johannesburg Buddhists and I am off to my first meeting on Thursday night.
It will take me a while to adjust. I am doing some temp work, helping my sister out at her canteen until the end of the week. Pocket money is always welcome. Next week I take care of the admin stuff with a trip to the SA passport office, the bank and the Italian Consulate.
What thrills me the most is that I am here for the birth of my friend Dori's first baby. Over the years I have missed out on so many important occasions, and now this is the first event I will be here for to lend support and to celebrate. In person!
I miss Sharon and the magical time we spent together.
I miss my cats, but now I have some new ones. My sister has 5 cats so it's not so bad. Fang, the kitten, made a point of sleeping on my head, my neck and my face last night. I woke up gasping for breath to find that I had a kitten balanced across my chin.
It's all new and a little overwhelming, but I am looking forward to this new life that lays ahead. And who knows? Perhaps I can convince Sharon to visit SA along with all my other UK and US friends.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Sunday, July 08, 2007
So Now I'm Back, From Outer Space...
Been a while. Miss me?
OK - time for a quick catch up. With less than a week to go for my departure to South Africa, and about two or three weeks between my last post and now, I am sure everyone's ready for some kind of update. Now, the post:
June has been a month of goodbyes. I have said goodbye to so many people and places the past four weeks and the hardest goodbye of all is still to come. I spent the whole of last week at Auntie Liz's cottage and chilled. I smoked, I drank, got stoned, I laughed, I healed. What a magnificent time I have had.
Sharon has been spending weekends with me and now, I am here in her home in Grimsby, about to enjoy a Chinese meal for two. And I am happy.
I will be arriving in Johannesburg on 15 July. Just myself and 20 kilos of luggage. No savings, no job, nothing. What better way to start one's life over? I am looking forward to it, and I am a little apprehensive. Max the Medicine Man has given me some herbs to help (side effects of which include making you really horny and intensifying orgasms - I can live with side effects like that).
Sharon and I intend to spend this week together and to savour each moment and enjoy what time we have. She is lovely, kind, generous and just what the Universe ordered. And I am happy.
Nothing in the Universe is random, and I believe that all of this has happened for a reason. What the reason is, I have no idea, but I am going to have fun finding out.
PS - also made it to the Stamford Riverside Festival with Sharon. AWESOME! Got sunburnt, though.
Been a while. Miss me?
OK - time for a quick catch up. With less than a week to go for my departure to South Africa, and about two or three weeks between my last post and now, I am sure everyone's ready for some kind of update. Now, the post:
June has been a month of goodbyes. I have said goodbye to so many people and places the past four weeks and the hardest goodbye of all is still to come. I spent the whole of last week at Auntie Liz's cottage and chilled. I smoked, I drank, got stoned, I laughed, I healed. What a magnificent time I have had.
Sharon has been spending weekends with me and now, I am here in her home in Grimsby, about to enjoy a Chinese meal for two. And I am happy.
I will be arriving in Johannesburg on 15 July. Just myself and 20 kilos of luggage. No savings, no job, nothing. What better way to start one's life over? I am looking forward to it, and I am a little apprehensive. Max the Medicine Man has given me some herbs to help (side effects of which include making you really horny and intensifying orgasms - I can live with side effects like that).
Sharon and I intend to spend this week together and to savour each moment and enjoy what time we have. She is lovely, kind, generous and just what the Universe ordered. And I am happy.
Nothing in the Universe is random, and I believe that all of this has happened for a reason. What the reason is, I have no idea, but I am going to have fun finding out.
PS - also made it to the Stamford Riverside Festival with Sharon. AWESOME! Got sunburnt, though.
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