I am still alive.
I am still enjoying life in SA.
I still work for a chiropractor.
I am no longer single.
I am painting like crazy.
I love my life.
I am glad to be home.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
NEWS
Here I am again after a long absence.
I am still enjoying my job enormously and am having a lot of fun at work. So much to do, but nothing I can't handle and I love learning more about chiropractic.
I am getting a visit with a psychic named Rahotep for my birthday present in May and I am so looking forward to it. My sister and cousin Linsay have both gone to see him and have reported that he is accurate and good. So now it is my turn!
I have recently met a lovely lady named Madelein. We've been dating for a little bit and it's going very well. This after being adament that I don't want relationships, commitments or anything else. It has raised several issues regarding my relationship karma, but people are mirrors and I am facing myself and actively participating in my human revolution.
It has only recently struck me that Iam back here in theUK. I went along to see the Rocky Horror show with Dori and I realised that had I still been in theUK I would have felt really sad that I could not enjoy things like that with my friends. Now I can see my SA friends whenever I want.
I miss the people I left behind in the UK. It's a process, this letting go and moving on thing. It's all good.
Here I am again after a long absence.
I am still enjoying my job enormously and am having a lot of fun at work. So much to do, but nothing I can't handle and I love learning more about chiropractic.
I am getting a visit with a psychic named Rahotep for my birthday present in May and I am so looking forward to it. My sister and cousin Linsay have both gone to see him and have reported that he is accurate and good. So now it is my turn!
I have recently met a lovely lady named Madelein. We've been dating for a little bit and it's going very well. This after being adament that I don't want relationships, commitments or anything else. It has raised several issues regarding my relationship karma, but people are mirrors and I am facing myself and actively participating in my human revolution.
It has only recently struck me that Iam back here in theUK. I went along to see the Rocky Horror show with Dori and I realised that had I still been in theUK I would have felt really sad that I could not enjoy things like that with my friends. Now I can see my SA friends whenever I want.
I miss the people I left behind in the UK. It's a process, this letting go and moving on thing. It's all good.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
2007 in Review/2008 Year Ahead
I am shamelessly copying *(Asterisk) with his 2007 review. Let's do a quick round up of 7 things that happened last year:
1. Dad moved on into the spirit world in January.
2. Was made redundant and then my relationship ended
3. Attended a LOT of Buddhist meetings and did a LOT of chanting
4. Met Sharon
5. Packed my life up and moved back to South Africa
6. Found a job with a chiropractor and did a few freelance writing jobs
7. Started painting again
2008 - The Year Ahead
I reckon I am going to have a busy year this year. There are several things I would like to accomplish by the time the year is over. Here are 7 things I aim to achieve in 2008:
1. Continue to build my life out here, working towards getting my own car and my own home
2. Go down to Cape Town to visit Joe and Vianne for a weekend
3. Sell 3 paintings
4. Make a daily, committed effort to seeing the Buddha light in everyone I come across
5. Re-establish and regularly update a NEW Dangerdykes and the already existing Jesus
6. Take a break by myself down at a Buddhist retreat in KwaZulu-Natal
7. Grow in my understanding of my sister's pagan practices
And there are quite a few more things in there besides all that. Year of action.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
A Buddhist, A Witch and a Hippy Walk Into a Catholic Church…
Sounds like the start of some cheesy joke, but this is exactly what will be happening on Friday evening at 6pm. Sherine, Greg, Linsay and I will be attending Mass at Maryvale Catholic Church.
Yes. Mass.
Because my father died this year, we have been invited to come to Mass to remember him and maybe light a few candles. Even though I can very skillfully recite my way through Mass even now, I am not going to be a hypocrite and mouth the words along with everyone else. The standing and the sitting is fine. I draw the line at kneeling, genuflecting and doing the sign of the cross.
My father wasn’t even Catholic. My mother was, and he insisted he wanted the same ceremony in the same church as she had. We are going to honour him, remember him and celebrate his life. Well, that’s what I am going for. And maybe to light a candle because I still get tickled by the pagan-ness of lighting candles in a Catholic church!
Sounds like the start of some cheesy joke, but this is exactly what will be happening on Friday evening at 6pm. Sherine, Greg, Linsay and I will be attending Mass at Maryvale Catholic Church.
Yes. Mass.
Because my father died this year, we have been invited to come to Mass to remember him and maybe light a few candles. Even though I can very skillfully recite my way through Mass even now, I am not going to be a hypocrite and mouth the words along with everyone else. The standing and the sitting is fine. I draw the line at kneeling, genuflecting and doing the sign of the cross.
My father wasn’t even Catholic. My mother was, and he insisted he wanted the same ceremony in the same church as she had. We are going to honour him, remember him and celebrate his life. Well, that’s what I am going for. And maybe to light a candle because I still get tickled by the pagan-ness of lighting candles in a Catholic church!
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Boddhisattva Never Disparaging
I have had a little… difficulty, shall we say… with sharing a home with my sister and her family, recently. I have been determining to change my relationship karma, to let go of my need for abusive relationships, and not surprisingly, this has kicked up some karmic dust. Difficult relationships have become a little more difficult and my first reaction is to run and hide away in my room.
Relationships are mirrors. What is becoming clear to me now is that transforming this karma is not so much about how other people treat me, it’s a lot more to do with how I treat myself and others.
I found this passage on Boddhisattva Never Disparaging on the SGI USA website:
“There is a fundamental oneness of self and others. Therefore when Bodhisattva Never Disparaging made his bow of obeisance to the four groups of people, the Buddha nature inherent in the lives of the four groups of arrogant people bowed toward Bodhisattva Never Disparaging. This is the same as how when one bows facing a mirror, the reflected image bows back” (GZ, 769).
I’ve resisted looking at some people’s Buddha nature. I figured how can someone that mean or nasty have Buddha nature? I realise now that they DO have Buddha nature, they are just not aware of it. By refusing to see the Buddha nature in those people, I am refusing to see the Buddha nature in me, and thus, slandering the Mystic Law.
I have had a little… difficulty, shall we say… with sharing a home with my sister and her family, recently. I have been determining to change my relationship karma, to let go of my need for abusive relationships, and not surprisingly, this has kicked up some karmic dust. Difficult relationships have become a little more difficult and my first reaction is to run and hide away in my room.
Relationships are mirrors. What is becoming clear to me now is that transforming this karma is not so much about how other people treat me, it’s a lot more to do with how I treat myself and others.
I found this passage on Boddhisattva Never Disparaging on the SGI USA website:
“There is a fundamental oneness of self and others. Therefore when Bodhisattva Never Disparaging made his bow of obeisance to the four groups of people, the Buddha nature inherent in the lives of the four groups of arrogant people bowed toward Bodhisattva Never Disparaging. This is the same as how when one bows facing a mirror, the reflected image bows back” (GZ, 769).
I’ve resisted looking at some people’s Buddha nature. I figured how can someone that mean or nasty have Buddha nature? I realise now that they DO have Buddha nature, they are just not aware of it. By refusing to see the Buddha nature in those people, I am refusing to see the Buddha nature in me, and thus, slandering the Mystic Law.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
I Bless The Rain Down in Africa...
There is a different quality to the rain in Africa. Especially out here in the Highveld, with the dramatic thunderstorms we get.
I missed these storms. I missed the scent of the earth after a downpour and the freshness of the air. I've missed the dark thunderheads that hang low in the sky and the electric morse code they send out. I missed the crashes and booms and then... the rain. The fat drops, the sheets of rain. Rain that could only be appreciated in Africa.
No. Rain is not the same wherever you go. Here in Africa, the rain is as wild as the land.
There is a different quality to the rain in Africa. Especially out here in the Highveld, with the dramatic thunderstorms we get.
I missed these storms. I missed the scent of the earth after a downpour and the freshness of the air. I've missed the dark thunderheads that hang low in the sky and the electric morse code they send out. I missed the crashes and booms and then... the rain. The fat drops, the sheets of rain. Rain that could only be appreciated in Africa.
No. Rain is not the same wherever you go. Here in Africa, the rain is as wild as the land.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
I Am One With The Universe... I Am One With Me....
(and an update)
Yes, 'tis I... Tanya. Blogging. Again. After almost a month's absence, I have returned to the blogosphere. A crappy, slow connection and pay-as-you-go Internet have forced me away from the computer and my emails and my blogging. Restricting a Gemini's ability to communicate is tantamount to torture.
The big news, so far, is that I have fallen in love. That's right. I have fallen in LOVE. With ME.
I have realised that if I want to transform my relationship karma, then I have to change my relationships with everyone I know and that includes my relationship with myself. So, after a time of searching deep into the heart of me, I decided that now is the time to transform all the crap and start seeing my glowing and beautiful Buddha nature. The added bonus is that since doing this, I can appreciate the Buddha nature in others too. Win-win.
I have also realised that since coming back to South Africa I have spent a lot of time going to Buddhist meetings and a lot less time hanging out with friends. So, now I am making a committed effort to spending more time with friends.
In other news, I am loving my new job as a chiropractor's assistant. I enjoy working for the man so much I would happily do it for free. I look forward to each working day and I feel valued and I feel I am contributing in a deep and useful way.
I bought some canvasses with my pay cheque. The guy at the shop gave me two extra canvasses for free - they had little tears in them. I started painting a mega canvas for my sister's Christmas present. The Goddess Hecate. It's really beautiful and as I work on it it feels as though I am channeling. Added to that, there is a long line of deities queuing up to have their portrait painted by me. Bast is next, followed by Freya, then Gaia and the Green Man. Yup. a Buddhist who paints channeled portraits of pagan deities! He he
Recently spent some time with my good buddy Joe. I am hoping, finances permitting, to go down to Cape Town for a short visit in February.
I am so happy, so peaceful and so settled now. Coming back to SA is the best ever move I could have made. Yes, I miss my privacy and I miss my friends in the UK, but I am also so grateful to be HOME.
(and an update)
Yes, 'tis I... Tanya. Blogging. Again. After almost a month's absence, I have returned to the blogosphere. A crappy, slow connection and pay-as-you-go Internet have forced me away from the computer and my emails and my blogging. Restricting a Gemini's ability to communicate is tantamount to torture.
The big news, so far, is that I have fallen in love. That's right. I have fallen in LOVE. With ME.
I have realised that if I want to transform my relationship karma, then I have to change my relationships with everyone I know and that includes my relationship with myself. So, after a time of searching deep into the heart of me, I decided that now is the time to transform all the crap and start seeing my glowing and beautiful Buddha nature. The added bonus is that since doing this, I can appreciate the Buddha nature in others too. Win-win.
I have also realised that since coming back to South Africa I have spent a lot of time going to Buddhist meetings and a lot less time hanging out with friends. So, now I am making a committed effort to spending more time with friends.
In other news, I am loving my new job as a chiropractor's assistant. I enjoy working for the man so much I would happily do it for free. I look forward to each working day and I feel valued and I feel I am contributing in a deep and useful way.
I bought some canvasses with my pay cheque. The guy at the shop gave me two extra canvasses for free - they had little tears in them. I started painting a mega canvas for my sister's Christmas present. The Goddess Hecate. It's really beautiful and as I work on it it feels as though I am channeling. Added to that, there is a long line of deities queuing up to have their portrait painted by me. Bast is next, followed by Freya, then Gaia and the Green Man. Yup. a Buddhist who paints channeled portraits of pagan deities! He he
Recently spent some time with my good buddy Joe. I am hoping, finances permitting, to go down to Cape Town for a short visit in February.
I am so happy, so peaceful and so settled now. Coming back to SA is the best ever move I could have made. Yes, I miss my privacy and I miss my friends in the UK, but I am also so grateful to be HOME.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Gratitude
At the beginning of this year, I did not imagine that I would be packing up my life in the UK to move back to South Africa. My plans were, instead, to continue teaching creative writing, getting more freelance work in. I did not foresee that just four months into the year, everything would be changed, and so dramatically too. Even then, when it all happened, I still considered my options in the UK.
I began 2007 with the conviction that I was going to make my life more positive, that I was going to create value. Well, the universe certainly ensured that, though not quite in the way I had anticipated.
I woke up this morning with a very profound sense of gratitude for my life and for everything that has happened to bring me here, to bring me home. I am grateful to everyone and everything that has happened to bring me here. More than that, since all this happened, so many people extended themselves to help me first of all to make this move, and then, when I got here, to make this transition in SA as smooth as possible.
So, I would like to thank the following people from the deepest part of my life:
Daddy, for continuing to teach me the value of life, even in his passing
Martin, for making me redundant and giving me a severance package, which he didn’t have to, that allowed me to buy my ticket
Kate, for being brave enough to end our relationship and give me my freedom
Lin, Lizzie and Sharon for giving me a home, even for a brief time, for the meals you cooked for me and the support and encouragement you lent me
Simon H, Jen and May for sharing their wisdom with me on 4th May and helping to realize my own potential
Sharon for showing me a new way to love and for the best 6 weeks of the year so far
Simon W, Julie, Erika and Mark for your love, friendship and support through a difficult period of my life
Sherine, Greg and Liam for giving me a home and too many other things that I cannot even begin to count
Chris and Liz C for your support via email
All my friends in SA: Joe, Dori and Justin, Tracy and Jane, Gav, Kerry, Timmee, Dimmy, Lisa and Linsay. Thank you for the dinners, the phone calls, the support, the work you’ve sent my way
Peterborough District of SGI for your support and Daimoku and The Great Lions District in Johannesburg for the opportunity to advance my life and develop my potential
And to my blog friends: (asterisk)*, Red, Karen, Healing Room and anyone else for your encouragement and comments
Thank you.
At the beginning of this year, I did not imagine that I would be packing up my life in the UK to move back to South Africa. My plans were, instead, to continue teaching creative writing, getting more freelance work in. I did not foresee that just four months into the year, everything would be changed, and so dramatically too. Even then, when it all happened, I still considered my options in the UK.
I began 2007 with the conviction that I was going to make my life more positive, that I was going to create value. Well, the universe certainly ensured that, though not quite in the way I had anticipated.
I woke up this morning with a very profound sense of gratitude for my life and for everything that has happened to bring me here, to bring me home. I am grateful to everyone and everything that has happened to bring me here. More than that, since all this happened, so many people extended themselves to help me first of all to make this move, and then, when I got here, to make this transition in SA as smooth as possible.
So, I would like to thank the following people from the deepest part of my life:
Daddy, for continuing to teach me the value of life, even in his passing
Martin, for making me redundant and giving me a severance package, which he didn’t have to, that allowed me to buy my ticket
Kate, for being brave enough to end our relationship and give me my freedom
Lin, Lizzie and Sharon for giving me a home, even for a brief time, for the meals you cooked for me and the support and encouragement you lent me
Simon H, Jen and May for sharing their wisdom with me on 4th May and helping to realize my own potential
Sharon for showing me a new way to love and for the best 6 weeks of the year so far
Simon W, Julie, Erika and Mark for your love, friendship and support through a difficult period of my life
Sherine, Greg and Liam for giving me a home and too many other things that I cannot even begin to count
Chris and Liz C for your support via email
All my friends in SA: Joe, Dori and Justin, Tracy and Jane, Gav, Kerry, Timmee, Dimmy, Lisa and Linsay. Thank you for the dinners, the phone calls, the support, the work you’ve sent my way
Peterborough District of SGI for your support and Daimoku and The Great Lions District in Johannesburg for the opportunity to advance my life and develop my potential
And to my blog friends: (asterisk)*, Red, Karen, Healing Room and anyone else for your encouragement and comments
Thank you.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
I, Servant of Fang
Fang is a six month old tabby and white kitten. I have been chosen to be his primary servant here at La Casa O-C.
With regard to naughtiness, Fang is in a league of his own, regularly disappearing with my sister’s cellphone or trying to quite literally grab the food off our plates. I have wrestled a piece of chicken and a lamb chop from his grubby little paws.
He thinks nothing of using his humans as step ladders, drawing blood as he makes his way from knee to shoulder. Little bastard. My back is covered in scratch marks and I’m not talking about the fun kind. Once on my shoulder, he elects to stay there, even when I stand up to walk around. Most disconcerting, since he refuses to move from his perch even when I have to make the necessary visits to the bathroom.
He’s also remarkably affectionate. At night he purrs around me in great big circles, trying to find the comfiest spot to lie down. While on his circuit of my blankets and me, he stops several times to lick me on the nose with his rough little tongue, or purr noisily while trying to nibble my ear. Or he chews on my pajama top. And in the morning he resorts to batting my cheek with his paw. If that doesn’t work, he tries biting my cheek. Or my nose. Little bastard.
He isn’t a cat that meows. Instead, he emits a high-pitched squeak. He’s singed his eyebrow whiskers by straying too close to a candle. He regularly chases after the other (larger) cats in the house. I no longer deem the water I leave beside my bed as safe to drink because he likes to stick his face in and drink from the glass. Doesn’t matter that he has a bowl of clean water in the kitchen.
Right now he is resting on my hand bag at my feet, in a very convenient patch of sun, warming himself. Like this, it’s hard to imagine he’s a little terror. I bet he’s gathering his energy so that he can bite my toes under the covers tonight.
Fang is a six month old tabby and white kitten. I have been chosen to be his primary servant here at La Casa O-C.
With regard to naughtiness, Fang is in a league of his own, regularly disappearing with my sister’s cellphone or trying to quite literally grab the food off our plates. I have wrestled a piece of chicken and a lamb chop from his grubby little paws.
He thinks nothing of using his humans as step ladders, drawing blood as he makes his way from knee to shoulder. Little bastard. My back is covered in scratch marks and I’m not talking about the fun kind. Once on my shoulder, he elects to stay there, even when I stand up to walk around. Most disconcerting, since he refuses to move from his perch even when I have to make the necessary visits to the bathroom.
He’s also remarkably affectionate. At night he purrs around me in great big circles, trying to find the comfiest spot to lie down. While on his circuit of my blankets and me, he stops several times to lick me on the nose with his rough little tongue, or purr noisily while trying to nibble my ear. Or he chews on my pajama top. And in the morning he resorts to batting my cheek with his paw. If that doesn’t work, he tries biting my cheek. Or my nose. Little bastard.
He isn’t a cat that meows. Instead, he emits a high-pitched squeak. He’s singed his eyebrow whiskers by straying too close to a candle. He regularly chases after the other (larger) cats in the house. I no longer deem the water I leave beside my bed as safe to drink because he likes to stick his face in and drink from the glass. Doesn’t matter that he has a bowl of clean water in the kitchen.
Right now he is resting on my hand bag at my feet, in a very convenient patch of sun, warming himself. Like this, it’s hard to imagine he’s a little terror. I bet he’s gathering his energy so that he can bite my toes under the covers tonight.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
I am HOME.
For about 5 years now I have wanted to make a final trip back to good ole Jozi. Back to my family. Now here I am. And I must confess it does feel a little weird. I feel like a foreigner in my own country.
Arrived on time on Sunday morning, having slept for just one hour on an 11 hour flight. I was completely exhausted. I spent most of yesterday tidying and getting my room organised. La Camera della Lesbica. Indeed. (Karen will be most pleased to hear that I did this while dancing around to Tom Jones). I phoned the Johannesburg Buddhists and I am off to my first meeting on Thursday night.
It will take me a while to adjust. I am doing some temp work, helping my sister out at her canteen until the end of the week. Pocket money is always welcome. Next week I take care of the admin stuff with a trip to the SA passport office, the bank and the Italian Consulate.
What thrills me the most is that I am here for the birth of my friend Dori's first baby. Over the years I have missed out on so many important occasions, and now this is the first event I will be here for to lend support and to celebrate. In person!
I miss Sharon and the magical time we spent together.
I miss my cats, but now I have some new ones. My sister has 5 cats so it's not so bad. Fang, the kitten, made a point of sleeping on my head, my neck and my face last night. I woke up gasping for breath to find that I had a kitten balanced across my chin.
It's all new and a little overwhelming, but I am looking forward to this new life that lays ahead. And who knows? Perhaps I can convince Sharon to visit SA along with all my other UK and US friends.
For about 5 years now I have wanted to make a final trip back to good ole Jozi. Back to my family. Now here I am. And I must confess it does feel a little weird. I feel like a foreigner in my own country.
Arrived on time on Sunday morning, having slept for just one hour on an 11 hour flight. I was completely exhausted. I spent most of yesterday tidying and getting my room organised. La Camera della Lesbica. Indeed. (Karen will be most pleased to hear that I did this while dancing around to Tom Jones). I phoned the Johannesburg Buddhists and I am off to my first meeting on Thursday night.
It will take me a while to adjust. I am doing some temp work, helping my sister out at her canteen until the end of the week. Pocket money is always welcome. Next week I take care of the admin stuff with a trip to the SA passport office, the bank and the Italian Consulate.
What thrills me the most is that I am here for the birth of my friend Dori's first baby. Over the years I have missed out on so many important occasions, and now this is the first event I will be here for to lend support and to celebrate. In person!
I miss Sharon and the magical time we spent together.
I miss my cats, but now I have some new ones. My sister has 5 cats so it's not so bad. Fang, the kitten, made a point of sleeping on my head, my neck and my face last night. I woke up gasping for breath to find that I had a kitten balanced across my chin.
It's all new and a little overwhelming, but I am looking forward to this new life that lays ahead. And who knows? Perhaps I can convince Sharon to visit SA along with all my other UK and US friends.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Sunday, July 08, 2007
So Now I'm Back, From Outer Space...
Been a while. Miss me?
OK - time for a quick catch up. With less than a week to go for my departure to South Africa, and about two or three weeks between my last post and now, I am sure everyone's ready for some kind of update. Now, the post:
June has been a month of goodbyes. I have said goodbye to so many people and places the past four weeks and the hardest goodbye of all is still to come. I spent the whole of last week at Auntie Liz's cottage and chilled. I smoked, I drank, got stoned, I laughed, I healed. What a magnificent time I have had.
Sharon has been spending weekends with me and now, I am here in her home in Grimsby, about to enjoy a Chinese meal for two. And I am happy.
I will be arriving in Johannesburg on 15 July. Just myself and 20 kilos of luggage. No savings, no job, nothing. What better way to start one's life over? I am looking forward to it, and I am a little apprehensive. Max the Medicine Man has given me some herbs to help (side effects of which include making you really horny and intensifying orgasms - I can live with side effects like that).
Sharon and I intend to spend this week together and to savour each moment and enjoy what time we have. She is lovely, kind, generous and just what the Universe ordered. And I am happy.
Nothing in the Universe is random, and I believe that all of this has happened for a reason. What the reason is, I have no idea, but I am going to have fun finding out.
PS - also made it to the Stamford Riverside Festival with Sharon. AWESOME! Got sunburnt, though.
Been a while. Miss me?
OK - time for a quick catch up. With less than a week to go for my departure to South Africa, and about two or three weeks between my last post and now, I am sure everyone's ready for some kind of update. Now, the post:
June has been a month of goodbyes. I have said goodbye to so many people and places the past four weeks and the hardest goodbye of all is still to come. I spent the whole of last week at Auntie Liz's cottage and chilled. I smoked, I drank, got stoned, I laughed, I healed. What a magnificent time I have had.
Sharon has been spending weekends with me and now, I am here in her home in Grimsby, about to enjoy a Chinese meal for two. And I am happy.
I will be arriving in Johannesburg on 15 July. Just myself and 20 kilos of luggage. No savings, no job, nothing. What better way to start one's life over? I am looking forward to it, and I am a little apprehensive. Max the Medicine Man has given me some herbs to help (side effects of which include making you really horny and intensifying orgasms - I can live with side effects like that).
Sharon and I intend to spend this week together and to savour each moment and enjoy what time we have. She is lovely, kind, generous and just what the Universe ordered. And I am happy.
Nothing in the Universe is random, and I believe that all of this has happened for a reason. What the reason is, I have no idea, but I am going to have fun finding out.
PS - also made it to the Stamford Riverside Festival with Sharon. AWESOME! Got sunburnt, though.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Mercury is Retrograde, Full Moon Approaches...Time Marches On.
Almost there. La Casa is almost cleared of its clutter and furniture. There are no more pictures on the wall and the cats are gone. I am not sad. La Casa della Lesbica will always be wherever I am. It's my spirit. Admittedly, when i get to South Africa, all I will have is La Camera della Lesbica, but it's still the same spirit.
2 weeks, 5 days.
The time has gone by quickly, yet there are parts that seemed to have slowed down to allow months of living to take place in single moments. In just three weeks, I have longed, I have dreamed, I have loved and I have found my centre. I have, in a space of a few months, travelled through years, discovered secret gateways into my soul. I have both lost and found. I've invoked the power of the Universe and conversed with the dead. I have cut my ties and I have formed new ones. I was broken and then I became whole.
I feel I have lived an entire life in the space of just 6 months.
Mercury is retrograde in Cancer at the moment and this forces us to consider our emotional attachments and relationships. I certainly have done much thinking about this. I regret to say that I have no conclusions to draw as yet. Whenver Mercury is retrograde, it creates havoc with travel plans, communications and new projects. Never a good time to start something new when Mercury goes retrograde. Mercury turns direct again on 9 July.
Still, I am happy. I have not felt this confident or comfortable with the woman I am, ever. This is good.
Almost there. La Casa is almost cleared of its clutter and furniture. There are no more pictures on the wall and the cats are gone. I am not sad. La Casa della Lesbica will always be wherever I am. It's my spirit. Admittedly, when i get to South Africa, all I will have is La Camera della Lesbica, but it's still the same spirit.
2 weeks, 5 days.
The time has gone by quickly, yet there are parts that seemed to have slowed down to allow months of living to take place in single moments. In just three weeks, I have longed, I have dreamed, I have loved and I have found my centre. I have, in a space of a few months, travelled through years, discovered secret gateways into my soul. I have both lost and found. I've invoked the power of the Universe and conversed with the dead. I have cut my ties and I have formed new ones. I was broken and then I became whole.
I feel I have lived an entire life in the space of just 6 months.
Mercury is retrograde in Cancer at the moment and this forces us to consider our emotional attachments and relationships. I certainly have done much thinking about this. I regret to say that I have no conclusions to draw as yet. Whenver Mercury is retrograde, it creates havoc with travel plans, communications and new projects. Never a good time to start something new when Mercury goes retrograde. Mercury turns direct again on 9 July.
Still, I am happy. I have not felt this confident or comfortable with the woman I am, ever. This is good.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
So, Let Me Tell You About My Weekend
Saturday started well. I met my students in Stamford for a cup of coffee. They wanted to say goodbye to me. It was fantastic. We drank and chatted even while the rain poured down and the other coffee shop patrons ran for shelter. We, instead, opened up umbrellas and stayed at our table.
I then hopped onto a train to Doncaster. I sat next to a dark skinned man who smelled like lemon sherbert and who dozed quietly as we sped through the countryside.
Sharon, my new lover, met me at the station and we enjoyed a lovely afternoon and evening together: a drive to Cleethorpes and then on to a pub that had a view of the Humber Bridge. And we talked. We laughed. It felt amazingly good.
I opened myself to each memory as it was made and I can still feel the wind whipping through my hair as we sped across the motorway in Sharon's sporty little car with the roof down.
Sunday was gloriously lazy. Sharon drove me back to Stamford and we had dinner. I took her on a piss-poor tour of the town and we finished up in The George and enjoyed some tea in the company of a ginger cat named Harry. (Harry was named after the hotel gardener and not Prince Harry as we had supposed.)
I am happy.
Saturday started well. I met my students in Stamford for a cup of coffee. They wanted to say goodbye to me. It was fantastic. We drank and chatted even while the rain poured down and the other coffee shop patrons ran for shelter. We, instead, opened up umbrellas and stayed at our table.
I then hopped onto a train to Doncaster. I sat next to a dark skinned man who smelled like lemon sherbert and who dozed quietly as we sped through the countryside.
Sharon, my new lover, met me at the station and we enjoyed a lovely afternoon and evening together: a drive to Cleethorpes and then on to a pub that had a view of the Humber Bridge. And we talked. We laughed. It felt amazingly good.
I opened myself to each memory as it was made and I can still feel the wind whipping through my hair as we sped across the motorway in Sharon's sporty little car with the roof down.
Sunday was gloriously lazy. Sharon drove me back to Stamford and we had dinner. I took her on a piss-poor tour of the town and we finished up in The George and enjoyed some tea in the company of a ginger cat named Harry. (Harry was named after the hotel gardener and not Prince Harry as we had supposed.)
I am happy.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Some Advice I Once Got from My Dad...
(I am in the library. Why, in the name of all things holy and sacred, are library computers always so painfully slow?)
When I was about 12, I had a cat named Comet (this was 1986 and Haley's Comet was the Big Thing of the year). I got Comet out of the SPCA as a kitten. I saved up my pocket money and it wasn't much, but I donated all of it in order to have her.
She was a great little kitty. Black and white markings, crazy with such a lovely character and enthusiastic spirit. I only had her six months before she was knocked down by a car.
I was so devastated that she was dead. I remember crying bucket loads. It was winter time and I was sat in my pyjamas in front of the heater in my parents' room sobbing - and this was days after her death still. My dad came into the room (my mother may have sent him, though I am not sure) and asked me what was wrong.
"Daddy, I miss Comet. I loved her so much and now she is gone and I will never be happy ever again," I said between sobs and gasps for breath.
My Dad hugged me and gave me this advice: "You will be happy again, my hartjie. You'll see, in time you will be happy again. It will just take some time."
And time really is a healer, as cliched as that sounds. Time, and space. My Dad was right. In the Spring of that year, my cousin Lindsay's cat had kittens and amongst them was the pitch black little pixie I came to know and love as Nermal.
(I am in the library. Why, in the name of all things holy and sacred, are library computers always so painfully slow?)
When I was about 12, I had a cat named Comet (this was 1986 and Haley's Comet was the Big Thing of the year). I got Comet out of the SPCA as a kitten. I saved up my pocket money and it wasn't much, but I donated all of it in order to have her.
She was a great little kitty. Black and white markings, crazy with such a lovely character and enthusiastic spirit. I only had her six months before she was knocked down by a car.
I was so devastated that she was dead. I remember crying bucket loads. It was winter time and I was sat in my pyjamas in front of the heater in my parents' room sobbing - and this was days after her death still. My dad came into the room (my mother may have sent him, though I am not sure) and asked me what was wrong.
"Daddy, I miss Comet. I loved her so much and now she is gone and I will never be happy ever again," I said between sobs and gasps for breath.
My Dad hugged me and gave me this advice: "You will be happy again, my hartjie. You'll see, in time you will be happy again. It will just take some time."
And time really is a healer, as cliched as that sounds. Time, and space. My Dad was right. In the Spring of that year, my cousin Lindsay's cat had kittens and amongst them was the pitch black little pixie I came to know and love as Nermal.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
I have taken a lover.
After a week of emailling, I met S this past weekend. She's a lovely woman - warm smile, nice eyes. Spent a weekend at Auntie Liz's cottage with her and went for a walk through the village and up through the field. Enjoyed a quiet and romantic dinner and a very lovely evening.
Seeing her again this weekend and will enjoy her company once more.
It's been a rare and wonderful time, for which I am so grateful to the Universe for blessing me with.
4 weeks and 4 days...
After a week of emailling, I met S this past weekend. She's a lovely woman - warm smile, nice eyes. Spent a weekend at Auntie Liz's cottage with her and went for a walk through the village and up through the field. Enjoyed a quiet and romantic dinner and a very lovely evening.
Seeing her again this weekend and will enjoy her company once more.
It's been a rare and wonderful time, for which I am so grateful to the Universe for blessing me with.
4 weeks and 4 days...
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