Stuff We Discovered About My Dad After He Died

I couldn't sleep last night. I found some letters and cards that my Dad sent me while trying to locate my National Insurance Card. And I read them. Then I couldn't sleep because I just kept thinking about Dad and what great father he was and I missed him a lot.

My father was a quiet sort of man. He didn't talk about his feelings much, if at all. He exuded a peaceful aura and he was remarkably wise. He was a spiritual Christian, sometimes taking the bible quite literally. There is a story we delight telling because it is funny and it demonstrates the kind of man he was: Somewhere in the Old Testament, it states that if a fig tree hasn't borne fruit in 7 years, you must cut off its branches and burn it. My Dad was an avid gardener and had planted two fig trees. One of them didn't bear any fruit for 6 years. He went outside and told the tree what the bible said, reminding it that the next year would be its 7th year and if there was no fruit, it knew what its fate would be. The following year, and every subsequent year, the fig tree bore fruit. This year, my sister told me, that fig tree was at its most fruitful. As if it knew.

So, that is a little background. This is what we found in the days that followed my Dad's death:

1. In a letter he wrote to my Mom in 1972, it was clear that they had separated several times. Sherine, my sister, remembers "going for holidays to Ouma" (my grandmother). Evidently they got back together and I was born in May, 1973. I have a feeling I am the "make up" baby.

2. Back in 1980 my father was sent off to fight a stupid war in what used to be known as South West Africa (but is now Namibia). A medal was found in the back of his cupboard, one which he never wore on his uniform. It was South Africa's highest award for bravery. My father hads x-rays of his chest (when he started developing "asthma" about 15 years ago) and very clearly you can see a bullet lodged in his chest. There is no scarring to indicate an entrance wound and my father didn't "remember" how it got there. The bullet had been in there for so long that tissue had grown around it. It narrowly missed anything vital and removing it would have meant he could die. So he left it. We wonder if the medal and the bullet are linked.

3. My father always appeared to be rather conservative in his ways, so it came as a shock to my sister when it was discovered that tucked away at the back of his cupboard were several sex guides in both English and Afrikaans. One of them was The Lovers Guide, which, apparently, had come with a video. The video wasn't found.

There is more, but that's all I am up to sharing at the moment.